Falling Hearts.

Chapter Sixteen.

Dear Noah,

It's been four weeks since I last saw you. The day you went I practically stayed at the park all day until Daniel came to get me. I couldn't move. I was in shock and filled with so much sadness. Since I've been home I haven't got out of bed. Daniel and my father have tried but I'm too sad to move. I miss you so much Noah. You know that you were my only friend. You were the only one who only understood me.
I know I should be trying to get over you but I can't. It's too impossible.
I bet that you are all okay and with Evie again. You are probably a lot more happy anyway. Sorry that I was so difficult and that I made you sad.
I don't know why I'm even writing these letters. I won't send them anyway. Maybe it's keeping me sane. You know, so I'll be okay.
Last night my cousin flew home. My mother still hasn't come back and I haven't heard from her ever since she walked out.
What is it like there? Are you back with Evie? Do you love her or are you still in love with me?
I've come to the conclusion that I am in love with you. I guess I have been for a while but I never really thought I could fall in love.
I'm sorry that I'm scared. I can't help it.
I get sad and I don't know why. Well, of course I'm sad by you leaving but there is a different type of sadness that I feel. I don't know how to explain it.
Tell me that I'll be okay. Just like you use to. We would play video games, sneak out of school, laugh together and share so many memories. Now it feels like all those years are being thrown away. I'm not blaming in all on you. If I was you I'd leave me too.
Why would anyone want a crazy sad girl?
I've never told you and you will never know because I'm not sending you letters but I'm one of those people who over think. I think so deeply about everything to the point where it makes me feel insane. I looked what it could be online. It said it's most likely anxiety or OCD. I don't want those things.
I feel like I'm not normal when I have a mental disorder. I can't take it knowing that I'm so different to everyone else. Nobody understands. I'm scared they will hurt me in some ways just because of my problem. This is why I didn't tell you.
I'm scared you will think I'm insane. I don't know how to express my feelings so I write letters. To you.
Tay knows about this. He thinks deeply too. I called him the other day. I just need at least one friend. He didn't want to be my friend anymore because I put him through the pain with my accident. I kind of fought with him a bit. He ignores my messages every time I try to say sorry.
I guess maybe we all aren't meant to have friends. Maybe just me.
I'm sorry that I hurt you.
Please come back, Noah.
Please. You don't have to love me. You can hate me. I would rather be fighting with you than not talking to you at all. If we were fighting at least I would still know that you remember me.
I don't know how I can take it any longer. I've had you for my whole life and it doesn't feel right when I don't see you at least once a day. I don't know how I'm supposed to get over it.
If I'm going to get over you I need to change who I am. My looks, how I act and all. Who I am reminds me of you. Right now I really don't want to remember you. I'm sorry.

From Ally-Jay,
A.K.A: Your AJ.