Falling Hearts.

Chapter Twenty.

"Oh my goodness, it must of been nice out there." AJ says as I explain to her about the night I went camping with Evie. I nod my head a laugh a bit.
It's 3am and were sitting on her bed talking about the past months. It's storming outside. I'm surprised because it's spring. She seems a lot happier now than what she was. I only call her AJ in my head because if I say it out loud she gets mad.
"Are you sad about me having a boyfriend?" She asks me while turning her lamp on. I look at her and fake a smile. She can't know I'm heart broken.
"No, no. Of course not. What's his name and how'd you meet?" I say trying to sound happy for the relationship. I need to win her back somehow.
"Carter. Carter Lanéts. He's french and Asian but he doesn't really look french. He's more on the Asian side." I smile at how her eyes light up at his name. I can tell she truly loves him.
"I started to go to therapy about a week after you left," she starts then looks away with shame. It's hurt to know that I hurt her so much she need to search for professional help.
"While I was waiting for my time he came and sat next to me and he was waiting for his turn too. We were just talking and we clicked I guess. We exchanged numbers and kept texting and then when we met up he asked me." She was smiling like crazy and moving her hands around with excitement. It made me sad that I never made her this happy.
"How'd he ask you out?" I say with pain in my voice. I'm trying to keep the tears back as best as I could.
Her face turned concern but them shook it off.
"Well, we had a beach day on the first day of summer. Then after we had dinner at some restaurant then went back to the beach and watched the sunset. He asked me but I swear that he was joking because who would ever want to go out with me. He asked again and I realised he was actually serious. I said yes because I knew I love him. I'm uneasy with love but he is different." She puts part of her hair behind her ear. When she said 'who would ever want to go out with me' all I could think was me. I would do anything to be able to call her mine. I nod and smile. I want her to believe that I'm okay with all this. I have no say in who AJ dates but I want her so much.
"Are you okay?" And with that question I burst into tears. I bury my face into my hands. I feel AJ put her arms around me. "I won't talk about him anymore I'm sorry." She whispers in my ear.
I shake my head then get out of her grip. I wipe my eyes then stare at her.
"I'm not sad about you having a boyfriend." I lie. I smile a little so she can be somewhat convinced that I'm telling the truth.
"I'm sad about how much I've missed in your life since I went away." That's true.
She smiles again then nods. Something about her smile has change. It's not the same anymore. Out of all the years I've known AJ her smile is different.
Her eyes shine and you can tell she is happy. Her face looks more gentle.
"Do you still smoke?" I ask. I'm dying for a cigarette but of she's quit I'll pretend I have too.
"No, I gave up last month. Do you still smoke?" She asks me with a curious tone.
I absolutely hate lying. "No, I stopped when I left here."
"Okay." She says unconvinced. AJ yawns and rubs her eyes.
"Are you tired?" I ask getting off her bed to let her sleep.
She nods and gets under her covers. I walk towards the door and start to open It.
"Noah.." AJ whispers. I turn around to face her.
"Yeah, Ay?" I ask walking slighting out the door.
"Can you stay with me tonight?" She says while sitting up. Then I remember her fear of storms she gained after the accident. I nod and close the door. I walk over to her and climb under the covers. She puts her arms around me and I do the same to her. This is what I've been craving for so long.

********

Waking up with AJ in my arms is one of the best things. I haven't slept. All I was focusing on was the way she breathed. How her chest would rise then fall.
AJ moves slightly then her eyes open. Her beautiful brown eyes meet mine.
"Hey," I whisper while brushing her hair behind her ear.
"Hey." She whispers back while sitting up. I got sad because I wanted to keep laying down with her in my arms.
"Do you want to come today?" AJ asks while turning back to face me. I got confused.
"Go where?" I ask. I just hope Carter won't be there.
"With Carter and I to the beach. I asked him if you can come and he said yeah." She gets out and walks over to her closet. I want to go to spend time with AJ but I don't want to see Carter.
"Please?" She says in her adorable voice. She gave me a little pout. How could I resist that?
I get up and walk over to my bag. I got out the stuff I needed and went to the bathroom. As soon as I closed the door I take of my top then look into the mirror. I dropped my cloths at the sight of myself. I haven't truly looked at myself in ages. I know I haven't been eating much but I didn't know I got this skinny. My bones were sticking out a lot more. I was a lot more pale and looked quite sick.
I was disgusted in myself. I couldn't look at the human I've become.
I quickly change and get out of the bathroom. The tank top I'm wearing use to fit perfectly but now it's say too loose.
I walk out and see that AJ is all ready. She looks so perfect.
We walk down the stairs and out the front door. There stood Carter. Leaning against his car. Just like yesterday he took her into his arms and kiss his fore head. I just ignored them and got into the car. Eventually they got on and he started to drive.
"I've heard a lot about you Noah." Carter says in a stern voice.
"Yeah, I could say the same." I mutter with slight attitude. AJ turns around and gives me a look. The same look that day that everything screwed up.
"What's wrong buddy? Got something up your sleeve?" He has an angry/annoyed tone. I should of never come. I'm working myself up.
"Hmm?" The hearing of his voice makes me more angry. It makes me angry because I know that's the voice that told AJ that I didn't matter. That I was a stupid mistake. That everything will be okay without.
"You don't love AJ." I whisper. He pulled the car over and turned to face me.
"What did you say?"
"You. Don't. Love. AJ." I say with more confidence.
"Oh, I love her more than you. I didn't leave her because I 'loved her.'" He says putting quoting marks on the last two words.
"I didn't want to hurt her. That's why I left." I yell slightly.
AJ turns around and looks at me.
"You leaving hurt more than you staying." She whispers. Tears were forming in her eyes.
She looked away from me.
"Get out." She says with her voice breaking.
I sat there hoping she would change her mind.
"Get out!" AJ yells then bursts into tears.
I got out as fast as I could. It hurt to see AJ cry but I knew if I was there I would make it worse.
As they drove away I knew I had stuffed up again. I have made her heartbroken again.
I lost her and I lost myself.

A/N: some of you may know who the people are in the photo. Well, AJ is the girl and Carter is the boy. These characters aren't those people it just what they looks like. I still used Carters name because my friend wanted me too so yeah :)