Daughter of the Moose (sequel to 'Married to a Moose')

Chapter 10

I was all snuggled in bed that night, and Dean finally came in. I sat up as he sat down on the floor next to the bed.

"You sure you want to hear this? It's some seriously messed up stuff."

"Yeah Dean. If you need to get it off your chest, then I'll gladly be here to listen."

"Ok. Where do I even begin?" Dean said clearly nervous. " Umm, I guess the best way to explain it and start it is..." He took a deep breath and paused "I was in hell Alex. I'm not using that as a metaphor. I was legitimately in hell. A demon named Azazel put me on the rack and tortured me. He offered to stop torturing me if I would put others on the rack and torture them."

"You gave in didn't you?" I asked as nicely as possible. I could hear the sadness in his voice.
" Time in hell works differently. I was in there for years. Many many years. And for a while, I resisted and put up with the torture, but one day, I just couldn't take it anymore. I got off that rack. I tortured other souls. I sliced and carved and tore them apart. The way I feel.... I wish I couldn't feel a dang thing."

"Dean, you lasted longer than most ever would. I don't think I would have lasted a minute."

"It haunts me Alex. It happened quite a while ago, but I came out a different person. Hell was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced, and I honestly don't know how I'm alive right now. I still see it in my nightmares. I'm sorry I'm springing this on you. I don't tell most people this. I don't think I even told your mom. Sammy knows, but I need to get it out again. It, along with what I'm going through currently is eating me up. Everything I've been/ go through is why I toss and turn so much. It's why I'm a mess and someone that no one wants to be around."

"I totally understand Dean. Don't feel bad about wanting to talk it out. I'm proud of how long you lasted. I'm just sorry you had to go through that. You aren't too big of a mess ok. I want to be around you because of who you are and how you treat me."

"The other thing is... There's this thing called the Mark of Cain. Cain himself gave it to me a while back. At the time, I asked him for it, but now it's making me someone I don't want to be."

"What does it do?" I asked, genuinely clueless.

"It just makes me lash out. It's fed by killing people, and there's moments when I can't fight it, and I kill or hurt people I don't mean to. I'm becoming a monster Alex. There is no cure. I'm trying to deal with it, but some days, it's just not totally possible." He says, getting sort of teary eyed. " I'm just scared I'm gonna end up killing you or Sam, and I know I don't really know you very well yet, and you probably don't know i you can trust me yet, but believe me when I say that I would never want to hurt you." He now has tears running down his face and he is trying to swipe them away, but it wasn't working. I saw right through it.

"I know you would never intentionally hurt me or Sam. I can't even imagine how hard this is for you- having to deal with all of this. Don't feel bad about crying. You have more than an excuse to cry." I said. He chuckled a little.

"That's what your mom used to say to me when I talked to her about things." This made him cry again. I got up and sat with him on the floor. I have him a hug, and just rubbed his shoulder to get him to calm down. I didn't feel like I was babying him. Someone needed to be there for him for once. I could tell he tried to be strong for Sammy, but no one was ever strong for him.

"Dean, I'm not trying to baby you, but I have something that might help. Something about this always makes me feel better and I've used it many times that I was sad, upset, worried, afraid, or had any other strong emotion. It always helped no matter how old I was." I said. I went over to my bag, and pulled out my green blanket. I gave it to Dean.

"Don't treat it like it's babyish until after you try it. I recently started thinking it was a baby thing until I used it after I got bullied at school. It just comforts me and makes me feel like everything will be ok." I said. I gave him another hug.

"Everything will be ok Dean. I believe in you about the mark. You can get through this. And I'm sorry you had to go through hell. I'm amazed you're even sitting here with me. Thank you for talking about it. I know it was hard for you to discuss, especially with me. I'm glad you got them off your chest."

"Thanks Alex. I'll try it tonight." He said before laying down on the hard floor."

"Dean. Take the bed. I'm serious. You've been through a lot just talking to me, and you deserve to be comfortable. I'm not gonna die just spending one night on the floor. Just don't pick me up and trade spots like Sam did at the hotel."

"Fine. If you seriously want me to have the bed." He said, trying to hide how much he wanted it.

"Yes. I'm serious."

I traded spots with him, and went to sleep. The floor wasn't that bad. I kept waking up though. I kept having dreams about what Dean told me, and how I couldn't save him. Morning came a little too quickly for my liking. Dean was just about to leave the room early that morning, probably around 2 or 3 am. Probably to go out to the bathroom, when I spoke up.

"Dean?"

"Hey, I thought you were asleep."

"I was, but I wanted to ask you something."

"What's up?"

"Um, how do you stop having nightmares?"

"I don't know Alex. Do you want to talk about them? Tell me what they were about. Maybe I can help."

"They were about what you told me. I saw you doing everything you said and I was forced to watch and couldn't help you."

"Ugh. I knew telling you this stuff would be a bad idea. Oh, I'm so stupid!" He started saying, the guilt increasing.

"Dean, you aren't stupid. I'd rather have these nightmares than have you have them. You didn't have any last night. I could tell. I'll get over them. Don't worry about me. Don't you dare blame yourself. This is not your fault. I pushed you to talk because I wanted to help you. If you so much as think this is your fault, you have a bigger problem..... Just don't worry about it. Ok?"

"Ok. I'm sorry though."

"It's ok Dean. Why don't you get some more sleep? You could use it."

"I will. I'll be right back." He returned a few minutes later, and crawled back into bed.