Daughter of the Moose (sequel to 'Married to a Moose')

Chapter 57

~Sam's POV~

I left Alex's room after saying goodnight and went back out to Dean.

"Dean. Can we discuss what happened with you and Alex?"

"Yeah. Why don't you sound upset?"

"Because I'm not pissed at her."

"She trashed me Sam. Did she not tell you what she actually said?" He asked as he started to head towards her room. I stopped him.

"She told me everything. I'm not saying it wasn't out of line, but have you even considered that it might be slightly true?"

"Excuse you!" He almost shouted

"Dean, I know this mark is hitting you hard. I know it must suck, but even I know that you know giving up the powers is what is best for her. What pisses me off is the fact that you went in there and tried to convince her to basically become a monster when you know what is best for her."

"So basically you are saying she's like me. So I'm becoming a monster is that it?"

"No Dean. That's not what I'm saying at all."

"Yes it is Sam. What happened to me not being a monster and helping me through this? Huh?"

"I am not calling you a monster Dean. I'm just saying that you shouldn't be pushing everything you are going through on her. Don't even try to deny it. If you weren't doing it to make her suffer like you, then you were doing it because you've lost hope in yourself. You were thrusting it on her because if she learns to control her powers, then she will be what you wish you could be. You wish you could control it all the time and not have the urge to kill, and you want someone else to do that because you no longer feel like you can do that yourself. You're basically trying to live through her. You know it's true Dean." I said

"Just shut up Sammy." He commanded then walked off to his room.

~Dean's POV~

I laid down in bed. Even Sammy agreed with Alex. Ugh I was so pissed off. I couldn't sleep so I laid there thinking. I can't believe they would attack me like that. I kept running what they said through my head over and over. Was what Alex said true? Was what Sammy said true? I did some deep thinking and realized that they were both true to some extent. I felt so horrible about myself. I never should have done that to Alex. 'She's never gonna forgive me for that and neither will Sam.' I kept thinking. I tried to shove that out of my head until I could talk to them in the morning, and sleep, but it didnt work. I didn't sleep a minute. I was too worried about the consequences of me being so selfish.

Once it was late enough and they would probably be getting up, I got out of bed. I went to Alex's room first. I knocked slightly before walking in. She was still asleep. I awkwardly stood there for a couple seconds, then started heading out. Either I woke her up or she woke up and saw me, because as I left, she spoke.

"Dean?"

"Did I wake you?"

"No. I've hardly slept. What do you want?" She said with an angry edge to it.

"I want to talk. Please hear me out."

"Fine." She said, sitting up.

"Look, I just want to say, I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to try to convince you to keep your powers. What you said was mostly right. I was horribly selfish and wanted you to be like me. I wanted someone else to be going through something they can't control. I wanted someone else to feel how horrible this feels. And your dad was right in what he said too. I was also trying to have you gain control of your powers. I know I can't always control the mark, and I'm losing hope in myself, so I guess I was trying to live through you and have you to have hope in."

"That is really selfish Dean."

"I know. That's why I'm sorry. I never should have done that to you. But why don't you sound pissed?"

"Because now that you explained it, it makes sense. I'm not saying I'm not still upset, but I understand why you did it."

"But-" I started

"Look, you're going through a lot with this mark and I'm sure it sucks feeling like you are the only one going through it. And I understand that you are losing hope and want something to have hope in. But there's something you need to realize- I have hope in you. You can get through all this. My dad has hope in you too. And as much as I don't want to bring this up, I bet my mom had faith that you would get through this too. You aren't alone. If all of us have faith in you, why don't you have faith in yourself?"

"It's hard to have faith in yourself when you are the one going through it. I feel myself start to lose control on every hunt. It sucks, to put it lightly."

"I understand that. Those are valid things to be feeling. Just know we love you and believe in you. That's all I ask- that you don't ever forget that we love you and believe you will get through this. And I'm not gonna keep my powers."

"I know you guys love and believe in me. It's just hard. And I know you're not gonna keep your powers. I don't want you to. It's better for you to give them to Crowley." She nodded "and I want you to know that I'm really sorry for what I did to you."

"I know you are. I'm the one who should be sorry. I never should have said what I did. And I forgive you. I know you have a hard time forgiving yourself, but I forgive you."

"Everything you said was true. You shouldn't be sorry. Thanks Alex."

"Of course. Now I suggest you talk to my dad. I could tell he was pissed last night."

"He talked to you?"

"No. I could hear you two yelling."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. You two got your emotions out, and clearly needed to." She said, and I left to go talk to Sam.