Wrestling the Kraken

Bridgett

Bridgett

Hours passed. It was now almost sunset. The voices were long gone, but she still remained in the same curled up position. Her muscles had relaxed some, but felt the echo from the hours of tension. Limp and drained, her soul ached and was tired- exhausted. Even through all the lashings she received, a thought nudged at her, unrelenting. She looked at the window, the fading light.

It would be dark soon and not the ideal time for heading anywhere. Knowing she could handle herself, she had done so for years, today was different. Today was too much.

A motion caught the corner of her eye. To her left she saw a roach crawling up the wall. The wings fluttered like a jet engine. The hairs on its legs, zoomed in like her camera. Her eyes refused to blink, forcing her to watch, to take it all in. Her mind was made up.

Getting up off the bed, she grabbed her purse, her keys and left. It wasn't until she was outside and the cool air easing her mind, did she notice that she was still wearing her pajamas. She had put them on after the meeting with Vito in an attempt to go to bed, but sleep never came.

Regretting not having at least a coat, she wasn't about to go back inside. She savored the moments of first impact of fresh air: taking in a deep breath, letting it fill her lungs and letting it slide out in a slow, measured breath.

She started walking. At the start of the day, there was one destination in mind, but she wasn't prepared for it: planning needed to be done, gear needed to be grabbed, but the day had other plans for her. She sighed at the wasted time. Two ideas presented themselves now.

One was to go to Lanz. She didn't want to be alone tonight and being around him made her feel safe... sane. There was something about the sureness of his presence. Being around him made everything wrong disappear, even though in reality they never moved. He grounded her: her mind, her soul. There was a freedom she felt when she was with him and it made her wonder, was it him she loved being around or just the feeling?

The other option was on the other side of town. This one was pulling her in closer. She could feel the pull on her heart. While the option to go to Lanz was a thought that pleaded with her, it was something that she wanted to do, desperately. This option calling to her now, felt more like a need. Something she simply could not turn away from. Like eating food and drinking water, it was something that would have to be done. Dante was her obligation and a major threat hung in the air above them both.

Bridgett sighed, she thought getting some air would help, but she may have just made things worse. In any case, her legs propelled her forward, choosing for her, but she couldn't quell the options- the decisions that vied for her attention.

She turned a corner and stopped. Looking up, standing in front of the steps of a building, she knew this was where she needed to be. It was as though this place knew her need and appeared out of nowhere just to meet it. She fell to her knees.

"Please." she begged, her voice quivering, feeling herself falling apart. She touched the step. "I need your help." She managed to say, as her chest heaved. Her whole body shook. Her eyes blurred, filling up with a thick wall of tears. Lifting her head, she wanted to go inside, but didn't know if she had the strength to.

People were coming up from around the corner. Her mind went on alert, pausing to listen. Nothing else took precedence over listening, not even her anxious mind. Adrenaline kicked in, all focused on keeping her alert, keeping her listening. Using some of that adrenaline, she rose to reach the top step. The voices, the laughter drew near. If they were on their way to the disco, then they wouldn't pay her any mind. If they were just out wandering the streets, then she was in trouble. There wasn't any time to figure out which. She went inside.

Stepping in, she felt all eyes were on her, though there were only two others. They sat in seperate rows, facing forward toward an empty altar. Every inch of her body was ashamed to be there and her breath caught in her chest. The exposed, nakedness reared its head again. Walking backwards, she turned to face the door. The coast was clear and in a hurry, she made her way out.

Stepping back onto the sidewalk, she could breathe again. A hollow pain formed just below her rib and placing her hand over it, she applied pressure. Reality set back in. That rush of adrenaline kicked her misalignment back into place. The sense of how vulnerable she was all day struck her. That was over now. Now it was time to set something straight. An error she should have fixed a long time ago. Like eating and drinking water, it was time to fulfill a need.