Bay of Strangers (Manila Girls #2)

Kabanata 5

TW: The following graphic depictions and descriptions may not be suitable for people with eating disorders.

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Kabanata 5

Family

"You're home late," Hinalikan ni Mama ang pisngi ko. Ngumiti ako at pinatakan din siya ng halik sa pisngi.

I hugged her tight. I rested my head on her shoulder and felt at peace—at home. My eyelids started to droop, tiredness and lassitude started to rule over me. Softly, my mother embraced me. She held me closer to her and I felt as if I was a child again—wanting and needing some affection.  My heart started another raging storm inside me that I couldn't even begin to describe. I buried my face on her shoulder and momentarily whispered how much I love her.

I'm not really an affectionate child. I didn't want to be so affectionate towards my parents. Yes, we're close and we're a very functional family, but I don't like expressing how much I love them. It's simply not my love language.

My father joined our embrace and kissed me on the forehead. I smiled, the warmth from the outside reached every crevices of my skin. We stayed like that for a few seconds and I wish that Atticus is here. I know sometimes he felt as if he's an outcast or that our parents favored and adored me more, but the truth is, he's wrong. I tried explaining it to him—that our parents both love us equally, but of course I cannot dictate and control how he feels and how he thinks. I can only try to enlighten him. Atticus is a smart guy, I'm sure he understands.

Even though our parents are softer, kinder, and more considerate of me, I know they love us. It's just that our parents wanted Atticus to be more like them. It's also for his own good. Atticus is their perfect child, something that I am not.

"Dumaan kasi ako sa Tondo at Pandacan chapter... Fitcher's still in UP so... hindi ko siya kasama."

Pero ang totoo, kasalanan ni River 'to. Masyado siyang kuryoso sa akin at sa buhay ko. Pero may kasalanan din ako dahil nagpatinaod ako sa kanya.

"Sinabi ko naman sa'yo na huwag ka madalas pumunta roon. Your father and I are worried about your safety. There are some threats again..."

"What happened, Mama?"

My mother sighed and glanced at my father. Papa remained quiet. He fixed his glasses and shook his head.

"There's nothing to worry about, Lei. You have the best bodyguards and you can do what you want to do."

"Deus," Mama warned.

"I'm just saying, Ly... Our daughter should enjoy as much as her friends."

Napailing si Mama. Tila ba dismayado at nangangamba sa kung ano. Matalim niyang tinignan si Papa pero nauna nang umalis ang aking ama at mukhang magtutungo na sa hapag. Sinulyapan ko si Mama, tahimik niyang inayos ang sarili saka bumaling sa akin.

I know she cannot lie to me. My mother disliked liars and I know if you dislike something, you'll do your best to avoid it.

But tonight, I saw her eagerness to avoid the topic. It's like all her secrets are kept in a tight little jar and no one's supposed to see it.

"Anyway, Lei... I talked to Asunta already. You can start this weekend. Her yoga session costs a lot, but it's worthy."

"Okay," I answered.

Pinagmasdan ko si Mama na mag-iwas ng tingin at tumayo na. Tinawag niya ako para kumain at gustuhin ko mang sumunod agad, tila nawalan ako ng gana.