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-Reviewer Katha-
BOOK COVER[9/10]:The cover is pretty attractive and also showcases the theme of the story well.
TITLE[8/10]:The title was pretty good too and is related to the story so, kudos for that!
DESCRIPTION[11/15]:The description was short and intriguing. But the thing that earned it a negative mark was the grammar. There are several grammatical mistakes and I noticed some type errors too. I think you should go through it once again to rectify the mistakes.
""Baby, I am a sweet psychic killer. But your love for me was Concealed inside me." He said, directly staring at her eyes."
Here, the first mistake was the 'was Concealed'. It would be 'is concealed' and you should've replaced 'inside me' to 'within me' as that sounds way better than before. The second thing is, 'He said, directly staring at her eyes.' this would've sounded better if you wrote it like, 'he said, staring directly into her eyes.'
These were the few mistakes I spotted. Hope you go through your description again and rectify these mistakes.
STORY LINE[15/20]:The story line that you have chosen for this story is pretty great. I have not yet seen any plot holes and you kept the suspense pretty great; the change in POVs would've been pretty smooth if you avoided confusion in pronouns. But the thing that's missing is the conveying of the story.
You should be more descriptive and elaborative with your story so readers can have an even clearer image of it. A story is not just dialogues and verbal tags and action tags; you should add more to it.
CHARACTERS[3/10]:The characters are not described well. You should write more about their characteristics and features, both behavioral and facial. The reason is to create a decent picture of them in the reader's mind. For those who might not be BTS fans and may not know them so well, they might feel blank about it all.
DIALOGUE DELIVERY[5/15]:The dialogues are pretty much fine, but you should avoid using abbreviations as many readers with no knowledge of them might be confused and may infer the story in a different way.
GRAMMAR & VOCAB[3/20]:The grammar needs a lot of improvement. In several places you have used one or more punctuation for one place.
For example this one: "I don't want you to fall for anyone!!"- You need not have used the double exclamation mark, a single one would've been enough to show the excitement.
And then there's this one: 'I went closer to her and laughted so hard'- a word like 'laughted' does not exist in the English vocabulary. You should've written it as 'laughed hard'.
'Pranking sisters....' - you have used four dots to go for an ellipsis but that is wrong. An ellipsis only has three dots or the meaning changes.
I have also noticed confusion in past tense, missing a few words (maybe that's a typo) and confusion in pronouns.
I think you should paste your story on Google Docs or Word and then rectify the grammatical mistakes you have made.
TOTAL: 54/100
STRENGTHS & WEAKNESS: Your strength to begin with, is your imagination as I felt. The plot of the story is pretty good and you have maintained the suspense pretty well. But I would suggest rewriting the whole story in a better way, with more descriptions, more elaboration on the character and with rectified mistakes.
Also, just a tip, since you are showing the BTS members as characters in a different role and not in their idol form, I would suggest dropping the nicknames like 'SUGA' or 'JK'. because surely if they were to lead a normal life, there friends or family would not be calling them by those names, right?
I hope this review helped and I also hope your story will become even better <3.
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