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"I like you, in my t-shirt." his voice was low. Dark. Hot.
"I prefer it on the bedroom floor." I tease, although, it wasn't really a joke.
"Ah, you make this so hard for me." he sounded angry, yet he never raised his voice.
"What's...
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Never in my life have I been able to put my feelings towards being alive into words. I can never explain how I feel so I just stay silent. Last night, everything changed.
Cecilia explaining to me what she feels about life and death perfectly sums up how I've been feeling all my life: I don't want to die. But I don't want to live.
The more I speak to her the more I realise about myself. Everything she says carries wisdom. Everything she says has meaning. She's helping me find things within me I didn't know needed finding. I can tell out little interactions are helping her to. She seems less tense, more happy. Not an entirely noticeable amount, but enough for me to see that her walls are starting to dwindle.
I've only ever had one relationship. Highschool sweethearts. Except we were not in highschool. Well she was. I wasn't, you know, being in the mafia and all, my mother homeschooled me.
She was flawless. Flawless as in, high-school mean girl flawless. Looks flawless. Acts flawless. But in fact, is made up of flaws. She was spoiled. Rude. Self obsessed. And I was young and in love-well I thought I was.
Looking back on it, I was definitely not in love. She loved me and I didnt know what I wanted. And as a sixteen year old boy, if a beautiful girl throws herself at you and worships the ground you walk on, you'd think it was love.
Actually, what I felt for her was lust. Not love. In the moment, lust and love are easily mistaken.
But in this moment. After Cecilia left me outside. I realised that what If been telling myself wasn't true. I've been telling myself that I feel solely lust towards Cecilia. Pure sexual attraction. But I know it's something deeper than that. I've always know it's something deeper than that.
~~~~~
"Need some help over there." I said, grinning at Cecilia trying to reach the top of a wall that was half hidden by a tree.
My laugh was quiet and low but she heard it, causing her glare at me. Her dark eyes shooting daggers in my direction.
We where at Trapani docs planting cameras so when this alleged shipment comes in, Anastasia, who oversees missions from the sidelines, can watch our backs, and direct us when we need it.
And right now Cecilia is trying, with all her might, to set up a camera on top of a seven foot wall. She's five foot six. Ergo. It's not going very well.
However she assured me she could do it, and she is as stubborn as a mule so, we might be here a while.
"We don't have all day sweetheart." She ignores me.
"Come on darling, it's time to go." I say, shaking my head as I place my hands around her waist and lift her up so she can reach. I place her back down and her face radiates irritation with a subtle hint of thanks.
