I'm too old to do this to myself again
Falling for straight girl
Yet again
But of course this one's different
They all are right
She's special
There's a chance
But there's never a chance
But maybe if I just pretend
The way she talks to me
It's not like the others
There's 5 of us
But her and I
Everyone sees it
We're special to each other
We thrive off of each other's energy
There's part of her that wants me
There's part of me that believes that
I think the worst part is that even if she did
Even if by chance she feels the same
What a complicated road that would be
She's half way across the world
I've been down that road before
It's a long and painful road
In a 1.5 year long relationship
I spent 6 weeks in person with my ex
It pains me just thinking about it
She's a mama's girl
I can't take her away from her mom
I know how I'd feel having to move from mine
And while I fantasize
About bringing her parents over too
It would just require more than I have
I'll make a lot, I already do
Talking it over with my father
He thinks I'll be making more
Than I can possibly imagine
Within a few years
And how is she different than my ex?
She has no job
But I'm not stupid
She has passion
Unlike he did
At least that's what I keep telling myself
I know why she stopped going to college
It makes sense
And of course it's just got my mind swirling
Plotting
"I can send her to school..."
That's what you keep telling yourself
Just keep letting it go
Just keep going deeper
I'm already up to my knees
Why not take up to my neck?
She's got me so perfectly
Wrapped around her finger
Does she even realize?
She just flirts back just enough
Just enough to keep me coming back
To keep reeling me in
Yea I downloaded tinder
Yea I went on a date
The girl was wonderful
And I can tell her I'm not ready
And she'll nod and say
"It took me a year to get over my ex"
If only she knew it wasn't my ex
It's her
I only want her
That girl wasn't her
And when I went on that date
Her change in tone
Am I overthinking it
Or did I sense jealousy
I'm overthinking it
I have to be
I mean just look at me
Just look at her
And she can say I'm cute
Every day
Every hour
But when I look at her...
There's just no way
And when we called
She said it too
And the way she talked about
How I'm intimidating
Does she even know how long it took me
To send her one message
How sometimes I still get scared
I wanna bother her all day
But previous relationships leave me scarred
I'm so scared she'll get sick of me
The lost puppy dog following her
Wanting to eat up every moment of her time
And even now
I sit
Listening to that fucking song
Wishing she would text
God I should shut up
Guess I'll go text first
