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[ C - verkwan ] 사랑쪽지 💌 Love Letter

TAG: "why did you have to give me a letter with all your feelings written in pretty ink?"

where vernon is shy to tell seungkwan exactly how he feels about him. his solution is a meticulously hand written essay about his thoughts every time he's with or without seungkwan. all in magenta stained ink.

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Dear 승관,

was written with the cursive style of seungkwan's pride. the one he had taught hansol a while ago. he was surprised hansol still remembered that it was his favourite.

my best friend, my most trusted person and the one i adore and care for the most.

was written like the beginnings of a love song. seungkwan felt like he was being drawn in to hear what the chorus had to say.

you're the light that shines in my darkness, you're the cure to my heart's stone layer.

seungkwan felt his chest tighten. he tried to stop himself from skipping down the page a little more each time his eyes translated the magenta ink into the poetry hansol was telling him. it was very hard.

you, who are my youth, my strength and my lovely roommate. you may notice i'm gone, out of the house. did you?

seungkwan did see hansol scuttle out of the house as soon as he came back from practice. when he walked further in, he caught sight of the very envelope that encased this special letter.

i have something important to tell you. and you must take this serious, but not too much. i don't want you to think about it anymore if this goes south.

it worried seungkwan. what the hell was hansol talking about?

do you remember back then? our title "pretty u"? do you remember when we sang about how we wanted to give pretty words to someone?

yeah, seungkwan remembered. he couldn't forget if he tried. a song loved by all and many. almost universal, if you will. he was still proud of that one. he knew jihoon-hyung was too.

and do you remember "love letter"? you remember these right? let's just call those songs my theses for this letter. i hope i didn't spoil it.

seungkwan couldn't take it. he'd look at hansol's musings and the like later. he needed the meat now.

...that's what this is, kwan. i'm trying to tell you that i love you. more than a friend, more than a best friend, more than a confidant, more than a brother.

seungkwan felt like he couldn't breathe-

i'm in love with you, boo seungkwan.

his hands were shaking.

i have been. since those songs i mentioned were out. you remember when those were out, kwan?

he read the year out loud, "2016... oh hansol-"

the only way i could get these to you, i decided, was to write them all out. i promise you, there were so many drafts before this. i just couldn't find the right way to word this here and there. i started this project two months ago, kwan.

"two months..." seungkwan whispered, covering his mouth. "and you've been suffering for years?" his head was held in his hands, "oh, my hansollie... why go through this pain of loving me?"

and it's only here now. dated:

i love you, boo.

oh...-

call me.

seungkwan whipped his phone out. with hansol on speed dial, it wasn't hard at all to get through.

"hans-"
"you read it?"

seungkwan's eyes were blown wide as he sunk into the sofa. silence passed, "of course i read it- hansol, what's this about? why-"

"then you know everything now. that's all i have to say, boo. i have no more words."

seungkwan's mind felt empty and full of babble at the same time. he didn't know what to say. "i just- why, sol? why fall in love with me? why spend all these years loving so hard and keeping them in? why did you have to give me a letter written in pretty ink?"

hansol took a while to respond. a long time.

"where are you, sol?"
"i'm just downstairs-"
"don't move. i'm coming."

seungkwan rushed out and hunted for hansol on the ground floor of their apartment complex. it wasn't hard, he was just sitting at the stairwell. "chwe hansol!" he called. hansol looked tired and exhausted. seungkwan felt bad. he was the cause after all.

he took a seat next to hansol on the steps of the stairs, collecting his thoughts.

"you want the answer?"

all those thoughts flew out immediately.

"yes," seungkwan whispered, eager to hear. hansol sighed, "i love you because... because i do." seungkwan wasn't expecting that.

"love is complicated, isn't it? sometimes you feel like you can explain it so easily, the words don't stop coming out and you wish so many things..."

hansol let out a sad chuckle, "but most of the time, it's... confusing. it's not as straightforward as we think. sometimes it just happens and you won't know you've fallen in love 'til you start noticing it; when your heart feels warm around the other person, when you find yourself laughing- not at them, but because of them. their happiness is your happiness. their heartaches are yours to bear too... it hurts me sometimes, to know you're in pain. but i always try. for you..." hansol shook his head, "it's crazy, this concept. don't you think, boo?"

he finally let seungkwan make eye contact with him. the afternoon sun was setting and its yellow glow was filtering through the glass.

"i think love is when the other person is everything you've ever wanted, right from the beginning. or when that person is the cause of your heart racing, nervousness and zoning out," seungkwan replied, getting softer as he went. "even when they do the bare minimum." hansol chuckled and softly cupped seungkwan's cheek to bring him back, "hey, now. you're staring at me."

seungkwan did come back, but maintained the dreamy look in his eyes, "hm... i know." hansol looked away and couldn't stop smiling, as much as he tried biting his lip.

seungkwan shifted closer as the sunset shone through even stronger behind them. the cream walls were bathed in vibrant orange hues and casted strong, dark shadows.

they watched their shadows merge into one, as seungkwan linked their arms and lay his head on hansol's shoulder. he softly hummed in innocent content. hansol let himself smile, let himself feel his heart beating in an abnormal rhythm. he tilted his head toward seungkwan, just revelling in that feeling of being so close to him.

finally.

all it took was two months of bleeding his heart dry for the right words just to tell seungkwan "i love you". now immortalised in his handwriting, in pretty magenta stained calligraphy.

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