999<3 | ONESHOT [ ✔️ ]

[ c - verkwan ] being here

if seungkwan was asked to be honest, he'd say he's never felt alive.

what it means to be alive to him is also a mystery to himself. he never had the time to think about it, or define it himself.

"being alive is like being present and living in the moment, kwan."

that's what his best friend, hansol, had told him. they were just talking one late night and seungkwan brought this problem up. so hansol gave him a solution.

but it didn't make sense. how was he supposed to be present? he also didn't know what that meant.

so he asked hansol again, since he seemed to know everything. he said, "it means appreciating what's in front of you, what's happening now. don't think about the future or the past. just focus on now. like how we're sitting here and breathing air and talking to each other,"

he said, "focus on the way you laugh and how you sound. think about the drink you're drinking now, how it tastes. that's being present, kwan."

seungkwan took notes.

but hansol laughed one day, "you're thinking too hard." seungkwan frowned, "then what do i do?"

hansol had no answer for him.

then one afternoon, at around four o'clock, hansol and seungkwan were sitting by their staircase. they had made a little space near the window there, just to sit and watch people. so they sat there that afternoon, with the sun's orange rays laying filters on their skin and warming their faces.

seungkwan has always been clingy to hansol for no reason in particular. so naturally he was sitting next to him.

it was quiet between them.

hansol's breathing was steady and rhythmic. he also sighed every now and then. seungkwan noticed himself humming sometimes. he lay his head on hansol's shoulder. the other's response was an affectionate smile that seungkwan's could not see and a ruffle to his blond hair.

seungkwan felt it.

"i think i got it now," he said, getting hansol's attention. "i think i know how to be present and what being alive means, sol."

hansol grinned, "that's great, boo. i'm glad you've got your answers."

"don't you want to know?"

"alright, tell me."

seungkwan sighed contentedly, "it all means being here. with you."

•••

sappy verkwan is my fav thing maybe