999<3 | ONESHOT [ ✔️ ]

[ 🥀c - hoonsol ] bigger than you

TAG: hansol notices that jihoon always tries to be the bigger person.

i'm permitting >15 to read this thanks my lovelies it's just near the end tho

•••

hansol always thought that once you get close enough to someone, you're bound to start a nitpick rave. little things stick out glaringly, and you wonder why you've never seen these before. with the steam of his hot food heating his cheeks, he smiles at his jihoon-hyung sitting across from him, who returns the gesture with chubby cheeks full of noodles and soup, and a warm gaze.

"eat, hansol." and so he does.

hansol has always noticed jihoon trying to be someone better, trying to fill some invisible role that's bigger than him. even now as they pay, jihoon swaps their cards and ends up paying for the meal. it's not like his bank account is in any better position than hansol's either.

when they walk out of the restaurant, jihoon strides ahead with his hands in his pockets. something carefree, yet reserved. hansol observes him among everyone else and sees there's some different aura about him that he can't pin down.

jihoon turns around, "hurry up, sol."

returning to jihoon's wreck of an apartment, hansol sinks into a bean bag on the floor as jihoon sits in his roller chair. the only expensive things in this small, shabby room, is the display, MIDI and microphone. jihoon makes music in the dingiest rooms, yet his work resembles that of a high class composer, sitting comfy in a soundproof studio with every bit of finance from a company at his fingertips.

"i think you're amazing, hyung." hansol suddenly says. he realises he's broken some silence when jihoon whips his head around to look at him. "about what?"

"i don't know," hansol mutters, turning his phone around and around in his hand. he daren't look at jihoon for a moment, "you always try to be someone else. the way you present yourself- the way you sell yourself... it's like you're someone completely different. you're not lee jihoon who lives in this stupid apartment. you become, like...- like some established producer. some big boss."

hansol shakes his head and says in a more quieter tone, "i just wonder if you're ever exhausted."

the silence is deafening.

"i don't listen to myself, hansol. you know that." and it's unfortunate that he does. when hansol finds a new way to break into jihoon's apartment, his hyung never knows how to answer the simple question of "have you eaten?" hansol has told him many times that "it's just yes or no." nevertheless, jihoon doesn't have an answer.

jihoon looks on at the figure of hansol, lounged on the bean bag with his head down, picking at his nails. he sighs and hansol speaks.

"why do you always have to be someone bigger than yourself, hyung?"

of course, it takes some time for jihoon to process the question, do reflection at the speed of lighting, and come up with an answer. "if i can't be who i want to be, then i just have to fake it until i make it."

silence.

"you know the situation. i'm stuck here. i have no way out. every day, i just 'manage'; i don't even 'live'." oh, hansol feels tears coming as jihoon's voice wavers.

"so i have to try, right? 'wear the clothes of the job you want to have'? this is me putting on that suit and tie, that headphones and mic," jihoon turns back around after a sustained period of staring at hansol, who still refuses to meet his gaze.

"all i'm trying to do every day is just get by."

hansol gets it. he does. and it's helped to some extent, with the upgrades that jihoon has made over the past three years...

"but you don't have to do that with me."

finally, they lock eyes. and something cold hits jihoon in the chest.

"you don't have to walk like you're some hot shot. you don't have to get our tabs every single time. i see you being defensive all the time and you shut people away without even speaking a word to anyone. your body language looks like someone who's trying so hard to be someone else."

hansol sighs, putting his phone away, a sign that a heart to heart is about to start. jihoon saves his work and closes everything, lest the electricity goes even higher.

"anyway, you're already tiny. why be the bigger person?" hansol's attempt at dispersing tension with comedy strikes something in jihoon.

"you're no bigger than me."

hansol shrugs, "i am still bigger though." jihoon rolls his eyes. he's about to naturally pout when he catches himself and straightens his features. hansol catches him though, and a taunting look is scribbled all over his face.

"see, hyung! you're naturally cute and wholesome. this whole brooding vibe and this implicit attempt to dominate the scene isn't for you," hansol laughs.

jihoon's blood boils. "i'll show you dominate."

hansol hums, "i don't think you can-"

he's silenced to a wide-eyed mess, jihoon suddenly holding him down with his full body weight in a straddle. one hand pulls and outstretches hansol's, while the other presses into his shoulder blade.

jihoon is so close...

"wanna say that again?" his voice is sly. it's taken away the power hansol once held and dangles it above his reach, hypnotising him, making him fall, making him succumb...

hansol feels like he's about to go.

that's when jihoon interlocks their fingers. with hansol's head doing a sudden turn to watch their hands ball up into one jigsaw, jihoon's free hand turns his head back and leans closer.

"who's the bigger person now?"

hansol stutters, "d-do you have some sort o-of weird need to be on top?- n-not in that way!"

jihoon chuckles, "not all the time. but you've plucked some string and now it's only fair you deal with the tune you've brought out of me, hm?"

hansol tries one more, devastating time, "but look hyung... you're j-just sitting here o-on top of me. i-i could easily-"

"easily what?" jihoon pushed impatience on hansol, knowing full well the boy doesn't do well under pressure. not in moments like this, especially.

"you... i could t-totally s-see you ri-riding me right now." hansol seems like he's about to pass out. "oh, stay with me, sol. don't pass out. all you did was say a few little words."

jihoon pushes hansol's hair back, not caring if any come springing back over his forehead. "and are you imagining me riding you right now? i don't think i would, but i'd be happy if i could make you happy."

jihoon spends a few minutes making sure hansol is okay.

their eyes meet with a new passion. something has changed in their relationship dynamic.

"...did you want to fuck me, chwe hansol?"

the boy goes wide-eyed, never expecting such a forward question.

"you told me not to be the bigger person anymore."

indeed, he did.

"in the end, one of us has to be. for the sake of a dynamic. we can't both be the bigger one, because then there's no such thing as bigger or smaller, right?"

yeah.

"i can't fuck you, hyung," hansol mumbles, trails of embarrassment dropping throughout his words. jihoon hums, tracing hansol's jaw with his hand before tilting his face up.

"then shall i have the honour?"

•••

HUH???? okay i lowkey don't remember writing like 40% of this HELPDJDJDHDJ what happened to my "hoonsol don't fuck! they simply adore each other!" agenda 🗿 god damn it