DESK MATES ✔|SOPE|Yoonseok

51. 'So don't be his friend'

Yoongi returned home the next afternoon with roses in his hair and a dark rainstorm forming in his heart.

He had to be going insane. There was no other explanation for the deep feeling of unease that enveloped him as he walked inside his own house, the site of his best friend and Seokjin on the couch greeting him like usual. It was a site that normally would have comforted him, made him feel safe when everything else in the world felt uncertain. Today, it made Yoongi want to run in the opposite direction.

He should've been furious—furious with himself for having the nerve to physically hurt someone he cared about, and furious at his own boyfriend for all the terrible things he'd said. They weren't even just petty insults; it was as if Hoseok had taken all of Seokjin's worst insecurities and shoved them right down his throat. It was cruel and uncalled for, and it was the type of thing only a complete asshole would do.

But that was the thing—Hoseok wasn't a complete asshole. Actually, he was the sweetest person on the planet, and by now Yoongi was sure the entire world would agree. The only people who had ever even had a problem with Hoseok were the two sitting on the couch in front of him, and himself.

He knew Namjoon only hated Hoseok because he didn't want to see his best friend cry anymore, which Yoongi could fully understand. But now, he was having a bit of trouble seeing why Jin hated him so much.

When he really thought about everything Hoseok had said to Jin, there wasn't a valid reason, despite how hurtful those things may have sounded. If anything, it seemed more like Jin hated Hoseok because he never gave him what he wanted—a relationship. And how any of that was supposed to be Hoseok's fault was beyond him.

Maybe love was blinding him, but Yoongi couldn't bring himself to believe that Hoseok would ever intentionally hurt someone. He just wasn't like that, and he'd had to prove it to Yoongi over and over again when really, maybe he shouldn't have had to prove anything at all.

Yoongi found himself breaking down the whole situation in his head for the millionth time that day, his heart racing as he contemplated every single wrong decision he'd made. He'd never known that Jin had straight-up harassed Hoseok, or that he'd put him in a situation where he felt like he was alone. It was no wonder Hoseok hid their relationship from him in the beginning, because apparently Jin had cut Hoseok off the second he couldn't return his feelings. And the only reason Jin ever came back to him was to try and pressure Hoseok into feeling something that he simply couldn't, not because he genuinely wanted to still be his friend.

So now, Yoongi finally understood.

Hoseok had kissed Jin out of fear.

He just didn't want to be alone again.

Hoseok's best friend never actually cared about being his friend, and if he had, he would have eventually gotten over the fact Hoseok seemed interested in someone else. And that very same day, Yoongi had walked away from Hoseok right after he'd told him he was in love with him, leaving Hoseok to believe that Yoongi didn't even feel the same way. The whole situation was so fucked up that he wanted to burst into tears every time he thought about it, he felt so awful.

Was it even considered cheating when you truly believed you had nothing more to lose?

Did the two of them ever really need to be broken up in the first place?

All the months they'd spent apart, all the hours of crying alone in his bedroom, all the trouble Hoseok had to go through just to get Yoongi to even speak to him again... was it all because of some useless misunderstanding?

Because if Yoongi had told Hoseok he loved him that day, he never would have felt the need to kiss someone who had abandoned him.

He never would have felt afraid of being alone.