DESK MATES ✔|SOPE|Yoonseok

Chapter 22: Can I sleep with you?

Yoongi couldn't find him after school that day, so he desperately walked all the way to Hoseok's house, hoping he wasn't too late. He didn't know why he got so freaked out when Hoseok told him he loved him, and he felt like such an idiot for not being able to say it back. Yoongi had to let him know that he loved him more than anything, that he made him feel happier than he'd ever been before. That he was the only one for him.

When he got to Hoseok's house, he wasn't home, and he didn't come home for another two hours. Yoongi had sent him a million text messages asking where he was, but he never even got one response. He started to worry that maybe something bad had happened, or maybe his phone was just dead. But then there was always the possibility that Hoseok was just straight-up ignoring him, and that thought alone was enough to make him feel sick to his stomach. 

Finally, Yoongi saw Hoseok approaching his driveway. His vibrant red hair was glowing underneath the evening sky, the wind blowing it in various directions. He looked so beautiful that Yoongi almost didn't notice the blood dripping from his face.

"Hobi!" Yoongi exclaimed, running up to him in a sudden panic. "What the hell happened? Are you alright?"  He knew something bad must have happened to him, but had absolutely no clue as to what it could've been.

Hoseok raised a hand up to touch his bleeding nose, his eyes growing larger as he realized just how much of a wreck he must have looked like. For some reason, he seemed worried.

"It's nothing," he said, quickly turning around and cupping both of his hands around his nose. He could tell Hoseok didn't want him to see how red his face was turning, but Yoongi walked around him anyways. "I just get really bad nosebleeds sometimes. Nothing to worry about."

"Ah, okay," Yoongi nodded his head. But he knew Hoseok wasn't being completely truthful, as the bruises on his face seemed to disagree with that statement entirely. He wasn't going to ask him about it or accuse him of lying, since he figured Hoseok would tell him  the truth when he was ready, but it did bother him ever so slightly.

"Anyways, what are you doing here?" Hoseok asked, finally shifting the attention away from his bloody face and clothing. Yoongi's heart nearly skipped a beat; he'd almost forgotten why he had come to his house in the first place.

"Hobi," he said, stepping closer to him and looking into his eyes. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders, holding onto him tightly and looking up at him. Hoseok looked down at him with stars in his eyes, just like he always did whenever Yoongi got close to him. He took in a deep breath, Hoseok watching him intently.

"I came here because I had to let you know that I feel the same,"  he said, starting to feel nervous, but he knew it must have been ten times scarier for Hoseok to say it to him first. "I'm so in love with you, Hobi, you don't even know. When I'm around you, it's like you're all I can see, or want to see for that matter. You make me beyond happy, and I wake up every day feeling like I'm the luckiest person alive. It's a feeling that overwhelms me, and sometimes it 's terrifying, but it's real, and I'm admitting it. I love you."

He rested his head against Hoseok's shoulder, holding him close. After a day that had been filled with anxiety and uncertainty, he finally felt like he was where he belonged, like he was at home. He breathed in Hoseok's scent, loving how familiar and comforting it made him feel. It was his favorite scent in the entire world. Being with him was like an instant dose of happiness; when Hoseok smiled, it was like the entire world lit up around him, and it just wasn't possible to feel sad no matter how much you wanted to. Yoongi hadn't realized how much he'd needed him at first, but somehow, Hoseok had managed to work his way into his heart anyways.

When Hoseok still hadn't said anything, he lifted his head up to look at him. He thought he might have been mad, or maybe even have pushed him away, but he never expected Hoseok to have tears in his eyes. Yoongi blinked a few times to make sure he wasn't seeing things, but it was real; Hoseok was looking over him, tears dripping down his face one-by-one. Yoongi had never seen him with such an expression, and he wasn't exactly sure what it meant.

"Hobi? Why are you crying?" he asked him, starting to stroke his back. He wiped the tears away with his other hand, catching them as they fell. Hoseok hadn't even embraced him yet, and it was like his arms were stuck at his sides, stuck in the same position. Yoongi pulled him closer, trying desperately to comfort him. "Please don't cry, I can't take it," Yoongi said quietly, stroking his hair now. Seeing Hoseok with tears in his eyes was like watching the sun set behind the clouds.

"I can't do this anymore, Yoongi," he whispered.

Yoongi stopped, frozen in place. Hoseok's words had startled him terribly, and his heart suddenly started racing faster than it ever had before. He let go of him slowly, taking a step back.

"W-what can't you do?" Yoongi asked, his voice starting to get shaky. He was telling himself to calm down, but his heart wasn't listening.

Hoseok wiped his final tears away, looking at him in the eyes now.

"Us," he replied. "I can't be with you anymore."

The complete seriousness in his face made Yoongi want to fall over and pass out. It couldn't be real, there was just no way. He started to feel himself getting defensive.

"But you just told me you loved me earlier this morning,"  he said, trying to find some sort of  sign that he was lying on his face. But there was none. "I... why? Is it because I didn't tell you I loved you soon enough? Because I do, Hobi, I really really love you. More than anything in the entire world."

He started to wrap his arms around him, but Hoseok pushed him away. It felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. What was even happening?

Hoseok looked at him for a second, as if knowing he'd been too harsh when he pushed him off. But whatever guilt he was feeling didn't last long.

"I'm sorry, Yoongi," he said, starting to walk off towards his front door.

Yoongi was in so much disbelief that he almost didn't run after him, but he pulled him back just before he twisted the doorknob.

"You can't just leave me," he said, tears starting to fall down his face. "How can you just randomly decide you don't want me anymore?  I don't understand."

Yoongi didn't like crying, especially not in front of other people, but the tears wouldn't stop. Hoseok raised a hand to his face, almost as if he were about to wipe his tears, but he quickly stopped himself. He pulled Yoongi's hand off of his wrist, turning away from him.

"I shouldn't have been with you in the first place. I'm sorry I let it go on this long."

And with that, he opened the door, leaving Yoongi for good.

It had been the worst day of his life.

Yoongi woke up from the dream, his breathing heavy and his heart racing. As if once hadn't been enough, he kept reliving that day in his dreams over and over again. He wanted so badly to just forget about Hoseok and move on with his life, but he couldn't no matter how hard he tried. He always came back to haunt him.

Yoongi looked at the time on his phone- 4 AM. He still had 2 hours left before it was time to get up for school. He really didn't want to go back to bed, as he was afraid he would end up having the dream again, but he knew he would be exhausted if he didn't at least try to get sleep.

So he walked over to Namjoon's room, slowly opening the door and making his way over to his bed. He tapped him lightly on the shoulder, knowing he wasn't a very heavy sleeper. Namjoon groaned and rolled over, rubbing his eyes.

"What is it?" he asked, his voice in a whisper.

"Can I sleep with you?" Yoongi asked, already knowing he would say yes. 

Namjoon sighed, lifting up the covers for him to get under. Yoongi crawled over him, snuggling up against one of the pillows he hadn't been using. He closed his eyes, knowing he wasn't alone feeling the warmth of his friend. He already felt a thousand times better.