Blossoms of the Dark

XXXI Shouto: Rose

I wake up to the obnoxious beeping of my phone alarm.

Struggling to shut it off with closed eyes, I open my bleary eyes and fumble to turn it off. I have about an hour and fifteen minutes to get to school. I go through my morning routine and when I'm about to leave my room, I see my drawing from last night, the lapis lazuli necklace, and the daffodil and hyacinth blooms. I don't know what to do with them. The drawing was just the result of my emotions and inability to sleep last night. I consider throwing it away, but I don't feel like doing so. As for the necklace ... I still need to give it to her. The flowers have dried overnight. They've lost their luster so I should get rid of them. But they are a gift and an apology... Unsure of the entire situation, I put the drawing in my desk drawer, tuck the necklace in my uniform coat pocket, and search for an unused phone book to place the flowers in.

An hour later, I enter U.A. and head to class. Not to my surprise this time, Hanada-chan arrived before me. It feels like deja-vu. She's staring out through the window again. Her hair is in that same chignon from yesterday. She's wearing the same choker and gloves from yesterday. Her outfit is in pristine condition. The only difference I can detect is that she's adorned her hair with a different flower: yellow roses.

I make my way to my seat, and that seems to snap her out of whatever she was thinking about. As I sit, she turns to face me and wrings her hands nervously.

She lifts her eyes to mine. "I'm sorry about my behavior last night." I wait for her to continue. "I shouldn't have left you like that. It was rude of me to leave a partner in the middle of a party, and I apologize for that. The reason I left so suddenly was that I was about to have a panic attack, and I didn't want you to know."

"You have panic attacks ...," I repeat back, dumbfounded

"Yes. For a long time. You already knew about my arthritis and lacerations. I didn't want to burden you with more of my ... issues. I have agoraphobia. I feel unnerved in crowded places and around loud things. Last night when Present Mic-sensei shouted that the songs would be much more intense, I panicked. I felt the beginnings of a panic attack coming, and I was too afraid to tell you. I left the hyacinths on the table as a quick apology, but ... you deserved an actual apology regardless."

She's stopped looking at me in the eyes by the time she is finished.

I'm still processing what she said, and I hardly notice that she's clenching her hands even tighter. When I don't say anything for a while, she smiles sadly. "So you don't forgive me. That's ... that's alr-alright." She turns away to look at the window again.

I snap out of whatever trance I was in. "Wait, Hanada-chan. I do forgive you."

She spins her head back at me, clearly shocked.

"I was just processing what you were saying. I admit that I was upset when you left like that. I had chased immediately after you into the forest but I couldn't find you anywhere. I did find the hyacinth blooms when I came back, however. Thank you for apologizing and telling me why. It didn't even cross my mind that such a setting could trigger a panic attack."

Her expression changes from shock to nervousness. She nervously whispers, "So are we still friends?"

I smile softly. "Yeah. We are."

She calms down a little, the tension easing from her posture. She stops wringing her hands and removes a rose from her hair. She offers it to me.

I'm entertained by the gesture. "Is this just a you thing or does every girl give her friends flowers? And what do the yellow roses symbolize?"

She hesitantly shrugs her shoulders a bit. "They symbolize 'new friendship,' just like the daffodil I gave you yesterday. And ... I wouldn't know if any other girl does the same. You're the first friend I've made in a long time."

First friend ...

She's my first friend, too. We share more similarities than I thought.

I take the flower from her. "You're my first friend, too." I pull out the lapis lazuli necklace from my pocket and show it to her. "I don't know if every guy gives his friends jewelry or if this might be just a me thing. But, I got you something to commemorate our friendship. It was my sister's but she doesn't wear it anymore. Apparently the stone is lapis lazuli and it also means 'new friendship.'"

She blushes intensely. "Thank you. Would you like me to wear it now?"

"May I help you wear it?" I say without thinking.

She looks stunned. I think I must look the same, too. What are you thinking, Todoroki Shouto?

I try to cover up my misstep. "I mean, if you want to wear it yourself you can. But if you would like, ... I can do it for you. Whatever you want."

She's about to say something, but just then the classroom door opens and more of the students come in. 

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