Blossoms of the Dark

XC Selene: Hurdle

Trigger Warnings:

- childhood bullying

- PTSD

- haphephobia (fear of touching and being touched)

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Announcement:

From what I've read in the manga and watched in the anime, verbal abuse was an integral part of Shouto's trauma. So I imagine his healing language to be words. When I say that, I mean that words mean a lot to him, so he needs to hear a lot of words of appreciation and acceptance to slowly overcome his trauma. Selene's healing language, however, is touch. Given her experiences, it's only natural that she is afraid of physical contact, so I imagine that just as touch is traumatizing for her, it will be just as healing. Both of them need someone understanding, patient, and caring for that. 

This isn't to say that Shouto will only express his love via touch and Selene via words. Of course, Shouto will speak words of comfort to her and Selene will hold him whenever they need it. Right now, they're treading waters: learning what the other needs and doesn't need; what soothes the other and what doesn't.

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There's that look again.

Of being lost in another place, another time.

From the unnatural way Todoroki-kun has stilled, I can only wonder how unpleasant the memories must be.

As he sits beside me, his fingers interlink to form a steeple, and he rests his forehead against them. His breaths come out very long and slow, an attempt to find constancy. He stares intently at the ground and proceeds to lean forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

I can't leave him be this time. Not if I wish to earn his trust back.

But just as I am about to talk to him, another student arrives at our table. Glancing once at Todoroki-kun, I take the reins. I converse with the child about our project, but my attention keeps returning to him. Twice, the child has to repeat questions. Perhaps that is why she leaves with low ratings on her scoresheet. But I don't care right now.

"Are you alright?" I whisper to Todoroki-kun. The last thing he needs is unwanted attention. He does not respond, still inhaling and exhaling deeply. "What am I even saying? You're very much not alright. Do you want to leave the cafeteria for a while? I can make another excuse. The children want more flowers, and I want to make some profit, so we have to go outside to conduct business."

That elicits a different reaction from him. He laughs lightly. "That excuse would never work. Besides, Sensei has been watching us closely since Akira and I returned."

"Then how about the standard bathroom excuse? I can say that suddenly I'm having period cramps, and you're assisting me to find the nearest restroom. But instead, we'll go somewhere much farther and isolated. Sensei cannot refuse that." It's not a complete lie; my period did start this morning, but I don't feel any cramping.

He smiles sadly and shakes his head. "It's fine, Hanada. I don't want to go anywhere right now. Here is fine."

"Then may I ask what happened?"

He's quiet. I don't prod him. If he wishes to talk to me, he will. If not, then I will respect his wishes. Finally, he speaks. "Actually, I'll take you up on that. I don't want to talk about it here, not with this many people around."

I nod once and walk toward Ectoplasm-sensei. My bathroom excuse works. When I return, I gesture Todoroki-kun to leave with me. He gets up, slowly, and follows me, slowly. After some twists and turns, I find an abandoned hallway. I sit down, knees tucked to my chest, back against the wall, and beckon Todoroki-kun to sit beside me.