Blossoms of the Dark

LXXI Shouto: Hate

Announcement: 

Recently, a reader sent me a review. The review said that I should shorten my story to under fifteen chapters on Fanfiction.net, stop writing a few hundred to a few thousand words per chapter, and make my story less uncomfortable to read. 

I realized that maybe some of you reading this story might feel the same. So, before I start the chapter, I have a few things to say.

This is a story that is also available on Fanfiction.net and Archive of Our Own, so I have to keep it consistent between all three fanfiction platforms. Furthermore, starting and ending my chapters with a series of one-sentence paragraphs, ranging them from a few hundred to a few thousand words, and including thoughts of the characters is just my writing style. Every writer has one. This is mine. If you don't like it, that's okay, but I won't change my style.

As for shortening my story, I can't do that either. I have explicitly written within the disclaimer, "This story involves two characters coming to terms with their trauma, healing each other, and falling in love with each other in the process. Therefore, this will be a long fanfiction." Long fanfiction. My fanfiction is a very dark story, so it addresses all the dark themes that I cannot shy away from. There's no way I can do that in just 13 chapters. In other words, this is not supposed to be a comfortable story; the disclaimer and trigger warnings are proof of that. And if you have noticed, it took me almost 70 chapters to just start the U.A. Sports Festival Arc. With that in mind, I can see this fanfiction having more than 200 chapters.

I'm sorry if you don't like my story. I'm not compelling you to read it. This is simply the product of my dark imagination and opinions of the Boku No Hero Academia universe. 

With that, here is the chapter. 

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It's been a few hours since Lunch.

Classes are over for the day.

But I've been sitting outside the infirmary for the past one hour, trying to summon the guts to go inside.

I think back to those few hours.

I didn't waste a second. I smashed through the school doors and chased after the first adult I could find. It was Midnight-sensei. Frantically, I told her that Hanada-chan needed immediate help. I didn't even give myself a chance to catch my breath. She told me that she would bring her inside and that I should inform Recovery Girl. I barely noticed the damage I had caused as I ran to the infirmary: large spears of ice that shattered the door glass. But I didn't have time to think about it. Hanada-chan was the priority at the moment. My priority.

And here I am now. Unable to show her my face like a damn coward because I'm ashamed of myself.

No. I don't have that luxury. She doesn't deserve it, and I can't do that to her. I did this to her, and I have to atone for it. I must apologize. I must make amends. I must apologize. I must make amends. I must apologize. I must make amends. I repeat this over and over in my mind like a mantra, hoping it will give me some courage. And it does. True or false courage, I feel scared but brave enough to enter the infirmary.

I do, and Hanada-chan is the only one inside. She's on her back, in her uniform, gloves, and cactus flowers, but awake. She turns her head toward me, only to look down once she does. Just as I pull a chair to sit by the bedside, she lifts herself into a sitting position.

"I'm sorry," we say simultaneously.

I smile softly, recalling the last time we apologized at the same time. I'm not one to believe in signs, but if this is one, I think this exchange will go well. "May I go first?" I ask her. She nods. "I didn't mean to shout at you. You were apologizing for my mistake, and I only made the situation worse with my outburst. Much worse. I made you relapse into trauma ..." I trail off and look at her hands. She's squeezing them tightly together. I want to ease as much of that tension as I possibly can. I gaze at her intently until she meets my eyes. Then, I silently ask her something I should have asked long before, something from the very beginning: Can I touch you? And she nods again. I place my hands over her gloved ones, rubbing my thumbs gently on the fabric. Very slowly, the tension fades. "Hanada-chan, I don't know who hurt you. I don't know how much pain you've endured. I don't know how much courage it must take for you to live another day. But know this. I won't hurt you. I won't be your master, and I will never make you my slave. I won't become a part of your trauma. Instead, if you'll let me, I would like to help you through your trauma. This is my promise. I don't expect you to forgive me right now. In fact, I don't want you to. Let me atone by keeping this promise to you." My voice is full of conviction, I pray that she can feel it.