Blossoms of the Dark

XLIII Shouto: Amaryllis

Why did I do that?

I ask myself this question over and over again as I stare at the white amaryllis flower I took from Hanada-chan's hair when she was drinking the water. She wasn't looking at me, and I just reached over and took the flower resting just above her ear. I don't why I did it.

I can hear the voice of the train conductor from the speakers, announcing a stop at the next station. But it's not mine, so I continue staring at the flower. I take out my phone and look up the meaning of amaryllis. It symbolizes pride and purity. How ironic.

I think back to her signature smirks, leaning postures, crossed arms and legs. Her conspicuous outfit, horned hair, and cane. Her penchant for drama, mystery, and adventure. I understand the pride part very well. Except for the few times she has stammered or blushed, every behavior of hers exuded confidence and pride. She has shown innumerable times that she is powerful and someone to be reckoned with in spite of all of her weaknesses. She has self-respect and self-esteem. A lot of it. But I'm afraid that those will turn into arrogance and hubris. She said that her casual demeanor during the trial was a ruse. Just something for fun, but I doubt that was it at all. It seemed too real to be a ruse. Did she really think that she could have won against All Might? What am I even thinking? After what I've seen today, it's obvious what the answer is. Yes. Yes, she could have. She said she wanted to test the limits of her quirk, but I know she didn't. And for some reason, that's a little scary.

After a few moments of worry, I focus on the other aspect of the flower: purity. It's ironic how pride is labelled a sin and purity the absolvement of sin. Ironic that she's so confident and shy at the same time. Ironic that she's so secretive with her thoughts and intentions and so clear with her illness and pain. She really is her namesake, the moon. There is the one side she shows to the world, the one of pride and respect. So beautiful, so enchanting. The one everyone falls in love with. And there is the side that she keeps hidden from the world, her insecurities and her pain. So dark, so lonely. The one no one cares or wants to see. But I have been fortunate to have had a glimpse of that side. I only know the surface of the truth but I know something about her that connects me to her.

I almost don't realize that the train has stopped until the announcement blares from the speakers. I hurry up and exit the train. When I get home, it's empty. Sis must be still at school and Endeavor at the agency. I put the amaryllis flowers with the others in the same phone book, and take out my sketchpad. I open to a new page and begin drawing my outlines.

The first is the figure of a woman. A curve here, a line there. I add colors: blacks, whites, and greys. Some greens, some blues. Some reds, some yellow hues. I shade some parts of the drawing and highlight the others. I finish and take a look at my finished piece: it's Hanada-chan again, but in a new light. She's in her hero costume: the same trench coat, waistcoat, dress shirt, breeches, boots, gloves, choker, shells, mask, and watch. Her hair is styled in that same horned chignon. She's sitting with her legs crossed and her arms partially outstretched, surrounded by the various aspects of her quirk. She's sitting on a throne of frosty blue ice with the head in the shape of an ocean wave rising and towering above her, a row of tall blue flames on the dais just in front of her feet, bolts of lightning cascading around her figure, a ball of white light in one hand, a void of darkness in the other, and a crown of thorns and amaryllis flowers resting on her head. Behind all of this, behind her and the throne, is a large waning crescent moon. The throne shimmers and Hanada-chan's face illuminates under the moonlight. She looks like a queen of chaos, dangerously beautiful and wickedly alluring. Prepared to destroy everything and every one with her power and ambition. Waiting to revel in it.

No, she looks more than that. I pay closer attention to the horns of hair. Horns. Devil horns. Devil ...

Hanada-chan is a fallen angel. One of God's most stunning angels who was cast away from the grace of heaven. A beautiful tragedy. Doomed to forever seek happiness whilst suffer from endless agony. Cursed to be vengeful and harm anyone and anything that stops her in her path.

The second is also of Hanada-chan. She is dressed the same with her hair styled and adorned the same in this one as well. But there is no throne of ice, row of flames, lightning bolts, light, shadow, or crown of thorns. Instead, she is somewhere unfamiliar. Rocky, mountainous terrain, dead flowers and vines, and ash. It is a starry night. The brightest thing in this desolate landscape is a crescent moon. A waxing crescent moon. Hanada-chan is on her knees with her hands outstretched toward something. Toward the moon. The glow of the moon lights her face, radiating her hope and desire for happiness.

I stare at the two drawings for a while. I take out the drawing I had put in my desk drawer, the one of Hanada-chan from the party, and compare the three of them. All three of them have three defining characteristics: gleaming silver eyes, flower blossoms in the hair, and a moon shining in the dark. But each of the three has a different meaning. In all of them, Hanada-chan's eyes glow brightly. But one of them has hyacinth blooms and the other two have amaryllis blooms. One of them depicts a full moon and the other two have crescent moons. They show the different aspects of Hanada-chan.

I pick an unused school folder from my stash of folders in my room and put all three drawings in there. I take it and the phone book and open the last drawer of my nightstand. It has a lock.

Giving them a final glance, I put both of them in the nightstand and lock it.

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