Blossoms of the Dark

CLXI Shouto: Faerie-tale

Trigger Warning:

- depression

- subtle PTSD

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Blearily, my eyes open.

How long has it been since I slept this well?

Letting out a morning groan, I take in my surroundings.

And what I see makes all vestiges of sloth vanish immediately.

I'm facing Selene. I am in her dorm room, lying in her bed. Lying next to her. Shock, amazement, incredulity and a thousand other unnameable emotions run through me as I try to recollect just how I ended up here.

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After that unforgettable moment of blissful passion had passed, we simply held each other. I had eased my grip around her body a bit to stroke the fabric against her back, and she had taken to tracing indecipherable patterns against mine. We said nothing for a long time. Nothing had to be said. We were giving and taking comfort from each other. And it felt right. I never wanted to let her go. I wanted this moment to last forever.

So when she started to pull back, an inexplicable loss of sensation racked me. I was about to pull her back into my embrace when she said something that caught me off guard. "If it is not too presumptuous of me, may I ask you to stay? I don't want to be alone tonight. I assume you don't want to either." My jaw almost dropped. This night I had seen Selene push her boundaries not once, not twice, but thrice. Where did the girl who was troubled at the mere mention of crowds and intimate touches go? But it would be a lie to say that I was displeased with the development. She stammered, "I-I-I'm not suggesting anything illicit. W-We'll lie on opposite sides of the bed. W-We'll face away from each other even, if that h-helps. And ... and separate pillows and blankets, of course. Unless you have begun snoring. In that case, a-another solution can be found."

My mouth finally worked. I cupped her cheek lovingly, and when she leaned into the touch, the joy that bloomed inside me was indescribable. "I know that you are not implying anything naughty," I whispered. "And I promise you that I won't do anything like that either. Using force would be despicable. But are you sure you want me to stay? I'm not averse to the idea, but you might want to reconsider."

Hesitation did cross her face, but she steeled herself at the last moment and nodded. "I trust you. And you trust me. So I should be honest with you as much as I can. Actually, I awoke to a nightmare, and I am afraid of falling back into it. At the same time, I am afraid that you might spiral into your agony again. I don't want the things that happened to me to happen to you."

At that, I cradled her other cheek and placed a long kiss on her forehead. That was my consent.

So she pulled out an extra blanket and arranged the pillows on her bed to accommodate for two. Like she said, we laid on opposite sides, facing away. My hand reached to rub my nape, and I bet that her face was inflamed. We bid each other good night, and fell asleep like that.

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However, that is not how I wake up.

My back was to her and front facing the window side of the bed. Now it is the opposite. My back is toward the door, and I am looking at her resting figure. How we switched positions in our sleep is out of my comprehension. But not unbelievable. Because I love her, I want to protect her. Subconsciously, I must have expressed that desire by holding her and shifting from the window side to the door side because the door is where a threat is most likely to enter. That same subconscious desire also manifested in my fingers because they are intertwined with hers.