Blossoms of the Dark

XCII Shouto: Apology

It's Lunch time.

I head out with the rest of the class to the Cafeteria, intending to return with my tray and eat it in the classroom.

Like I have been doing for the past month.

But someone changes that routine.

"Todoroki-kun, can I talk to you?" Hanada-chan asks.

"Sure," I reply, confused.

We hang back and wait until the hallway is empty except for the two of us. Even then, both of us are quiet for a long time. I don't know why we're behaving like this. What is it that Hanada-chan wants to tell me? Is it so serious? And why is she calling me Todoroki-kun again? But who am I to complain when I'm using honorifics with her, too? I'm curious, but I remain silent. She wanted to talk to me, she has to initiate the conversation.

Instead, she dilly-dallies. She strolls to one side of the hallway and leans against the glass wall. I find myself doing the same on my side, crossing my arms across my chest. We face each other like this. As I wait for her to speak, I take her in. She's different today. There are no flowers in her hair today. Rather, her hair is adorned with a crown of autumn leaves and frosted, red winter berries. With reds, oranges, yellows, pinks, and a hint of white, it looks like a diadem of fire. As vibrant as the flames of hell. Or the feathers of a phoenix. I glance at her silver dragon cane, which is juxtaposed with the fiery colors. Perhaps as intense as a dragon's scales.

All those colors remind me of her words and bouquet from yesterday. She had compared me to a morning glory reaching toward the rays of sunlight during dawn. While I appreciated the analogy, I just didn't feel a connection to it. My favorite time of the day is when the sun is out, and I think that sunrises and sunsets are one of the most beautiful views of nature, but at that moment I felt like the furthest thing from sunshine. I was a blossom of the dark: all alone in oppressive darkness, desperate for a sliver of angelic moonlight. And I found it: my moon, my moonlight. Her. Selene. With her, I was a completely different person: more open, more expressive, more peaceful. I could let down some of my walls around her, so I had promised myself to never let go of that light. Of course, reality had to shatter such a naive dream.

I snap out of my reverie and focus on Hanada-chan again. The ethereal effect is ruined when she wrings her hands. Her telltale sign of agitation. The last time she did that, our friendship ended. I brace myself for what this omen will bring.

"I want to apologize for everything I did to you."

She had said sorry when she suggested that we should no longer be friends.

"Apologize for what, exactly?" I say with unhidden suspicion.

"For thinking that we should have separated. For hurting you with my words. For making you hate me, and for every negative emotion I made you feel because of my actions. Most of all, for breaking the most important rule of friendship: to keep it."

I'm shocked. An apology was the last thing I was anticipating. But that doesn't lessen my suspicion. "You did a lot more than that. I'm still hurting now."

She swallows. "I know. It's all my fault. And I have to make up for it. Todoroki-kun, you once said that you wanted to atone for your mistakes. I'm returning the favor. I wish to atone for my mistakes to you. If you are willing to, I would like to resume our friendship."

The dangerous dreams I kept prisoner break their shackles and escape.

Yes. Yes. Yes. The word repeats itself like a litany in my head.

"Why? Why are you saying this now?" is what comes out of my mouth.

"I learned my lesson. During this one month of separation, I was unhappy. I thought ending things would be the best for both you and me, but I was wrong. Rather, it made things worse. I noticed it for a while, but our conversation yesterday made me unable to ignore it. I'm saying this now because I want to amend those things. Forcefully making myself miserable is foolish, and inflicting pain on you is just stupidity."