The Leftovers

30: 'TIL WE MEET AGAIN

XEN'S POV

Matapos kong kumpirmahin na kina Darren at Benjie nga ang mga bangkay na iyon, binilinan ko si Megan na tawagan ako kung sakaling may kamag-anak na mag claim ng mga bangkay nila. Although I don't know if I can face their families, but still, I have to. I am the one who's responsible for the passing of my comrades. Kaya kahit na mahirap at alam kong magagalit sila sa akin, haharapin ko sila. Ayaw kong isipin nila na ginamit ko lang sina Darren at Benjie para sa pansariling interes. Gusto kong ipakita sa kanila na iba ako. Na handa kong harapin ang lahat ng resulta ng mga desisyon at ginagawa ko. Gusto kong maipakita sa kanila na kahit gan'to kagulo ang mundo, may mga tao pa rin na pinahahalagahan ang hustisya. 

Habang nagmamaneho ay napansin ko sa side mirror ang kanina pang hindi umiimik na si RJ. Marahil ay labis na s'yang nagluluksa ngayon dahil huling pagkakataon na iyon na makita ang pinakamamahal n'yang mga ate. Kahit ako ay naubos ang lahat ng lakas nang mapagtanto ko na huling sulyap ko na iyon kay Iowa. Na mula nang lisanin namin ang hospital ay sa ala-ala ko na lamang s'ya makikita. Na kailanman ay hindi ko na muling maririnig pa ang boses n'ya. Na kahit magdasal pa ako buong araw ay hindi ko na mararamdaman ang mga haplos n'ya. Na kahit patuloy ko s'yang mahalin, hindi na nito mababago ang katotohanang wala na s'ya. 

Masakit at mahirap nga pala talagang tanggapin ang katotohanan. Kaya hindi ko masisi ang iba kung mas pinili nila na maniwala sa kasinungalingan. Everyone has their own way on how to accept the facts. Kung sa iba, kaya nilang tanggapin kaagad, mayroon namang hindi. And it doesn't mean that those people are weak. They just need some time to digest and to learn how to live with it. Because I believe that we don't really move on from pain, we just learn to live with it. Because we will never forget those people who perished, who left us, or those who hurt us. They are all kept in our memories. And whenever we remember them, the pain comes back with it. But since we learned how to live with it, it doesn't affect us anymore. 

Noong dumating si Iowa sa buhay ko, ang dami kong napansing pagbabago sa sarili ko. I learned how to consider people's sake. I realized the value that everyone has - that you can't just invalidate the value of the existence of a person just because you are more fortunate than them and has a higher social status. I got to share with others what I have. I understood how powerful does true love is. 

But her passing left remarkable enlightenment in my life - that we can't choose the life that we wanted, instead, we create it. I mean, ang buhay na mayroon tayo ngayon ay bunga ng mga nagbigay buhay sa atin. Kung siguro'y pwede tayong pumili ng buhay bago tayo ipanganak, marahil ang pipiliin natin ay 'yong buhay na sagana, masaya, ligtas, at puno ng pagmamahal. But the truth is we don't have a choice. Life leave us no choice. But having no choice at all is a wonderful perk of life because it drives us to innovate and create the life that we wanted. 

That's why Iowa devoted her life to find justice for her parents. She doesn't want to live her life hiding from those monsters. She wanted to make things right. She wanted to turn the table. Because being the ones who are left behind, it is our responsibility to continue the righteousness that lies in our humanity and to align the paths that have been warped. Sa pamamagitan noon, makakagawa tayo ng pagbabago at pag-unlad, hindi lang para sa atin kundi para na rin sa susunod na henerasyon. 

That's why I can't devote myself to mourn for Iowa's passing. Instead, I dedicate this chance to continue his fight to fulfill my purpose as the one who is left behind. If food leftovers can still fill the empty stomachs of those people who can't afford to buy their own food, then, we must also realize our rights and responsibilities to continue and be an instrument for a good change. Dahil lahat naman tayo ay biktima ng mga nangyari noon. Lahat tayo ay nakakaranas ng mga di kanais-nais na pangyayari at kawalan ng katarungan. Ngunit hahayaan ba natin na magpatuloy lamang ang mga katiwalian at pang-aabusong ito? If we dream of a better life, then we must end those things that make us miserable.