[✓] 𝐒𝐇𝐄'𝐒 𝐒𝐎 𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐄 . suna rintarou

21. and to think i was actually starting to fall in love with you.

narrator's pov.

you laid next to rintarou, staring up at the ceiling blankly.

"what are you thinking about?" he asked, dropping his phone and staring at you. when you didn't reply, he turned over.

you stared at him, thinking for a second.

"have there been others?"

"others?"

"like were you a virgin when you met me? you weren't right?"

he sat up, "i wasn't, but they weren't that deep. i wasn't like emotionally attached to any of them."

"oh yeah, i thought so," you sat up to be seated next to him.

"what about relationships?" you asked, "have you dated anyone before me?"

"does second grade count?"

you bumped his shoulder and laughed softly. "so this is your first relationship?"

"my first real one, yeah," he replied.

"after we met and started hooking up," you sat up properly, "was there anyone after that?"

sometimes you started speaking before you thought about what you were actually saying. you knew the answers you were going to get weren't going to be the ones you wanted.

his smile dropped a bit before he laughed, "where are all these questions coming from?"

why was he avoiding answering?

fuck, you already knew the answer.

"suna...?"

silence.

"baby," his look softened.

he didn't want you to be mad at him over something that happened months ago.

"so there was," you nodded and stared at the wall. "and the time after that? after we did it in the car? what about that?" you started speaking faster.

your heart was telling you to just shut your mouth and stop asking so many questions.

he wasn't the type to get angry easily, but you also weren't the type to be upset over the little things - and here you were.

"no, i mean yes, i did but-"

"suna, that was 2 weeks before we started dating," you sighed, smacking your hand over your eyes.

he opened his mouth to try and find the words, but he really couldn't.

"please tell me that after we started dating-"

that hurt him.

"y/n i'm not a cheater," he interrupted irritatedly, "you know what happened with my parents."

and there it was, you started tearing up. you looked up at the ceiling, blinking and trying to ignore it.

you didn't want him to see you cry, not about this. because yeah, he didn't cheat on you, but it all felt the same. not that he would get that.

"suna, my first time was with you. you should know how i am about stuff like this."

he stood up, "yeah that's the thing, y/n, i don't. because you don't talk to me about shit we do. you're always too embarrassed to even talk to me about what we do when we're together."

a few tears fell, and he rolled his eyes.

"do not roll your fucking eyes at me! i'm sorry i don't have experience with doing things!" you yelled.

"having sex. we had sex," he shook his head, eyes widening in anger. "what is up with you and being so ashamed of that?"

"okay, fuck, sorry i feel guilty about fucking around behind my parents back like this," you groaned. "i wasn't brought up like you were."

he let out a quick, sharp breath, "you weren't brought up like i was? what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

rintarou was pacing by now with his hands over his head

"don't act like i'm fucking judging you!" you stood up, words just falling from your mouth. "you were too embarrassed to introduce me to your friends and family yourself. just shut up when you don't know what you're talking about."

his eyes shot up faster than ever, and he started speaking before he thought as well. "just shut the fuck up, y/n. actually shut the fuck up and stop being such a pretentious fucking bitch."

a bitch? did suna rintarou just call you a bitch?

you put your tongue in your cheek and exhaled in disbelief.

"fuck, i didn't mean it like that," he tensed up, cursing himself for speaking like that about you.

he shook his head, "i didn't mean it y/n."

he was not raised by a single mother to start calling women bitches, let alone the one he's supposed to love.

he didn't know what to say other than, "i'm sorry," but that really wasn't enough.

"you're sorry?" you shouted. your tears were falling down uncontrollably, not because you were sad, but because you were inexplicably angry. "you're a fucking asshole, suna."

"i know."

"and to think, i was actually starting to fall in love with you."

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