[✓] 𝐒𝐇𝐄'𝐒 𝐒𝐎 𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐄 . suna rintarou

45. you'll always be enough

warning
mentions of throwing up

narrator's pov.
4:05am

it hadn't hit him until now.

there was only two months left until he was a father, and he was terrified.

he couldn't stand being left alone with his thoughts like this, that's why he hated the night. most nights he tried to go to sleep before his worries caught up to him, but not this time.

he leaned back against the blank wall right next to his side of the bed and wrapped his arms around his legs, staring down at your exhausted and aching body. after the second trimester you'd been struggling a lot and he hated seeing you go through that.

"what if she doesn't make it through delivery?"

"what if he doesn't make it through delivery?"

"what if i'm a horrible dad?"

"what if i'm not ready and i fuck this kid up?"

since you two had met — almost four years ago now — you had always been what kept him going. he couldn't stand thinking about anything happening to you or his soon-to-be-born child. he wouldn't know what to do, his life would feel purposeless.

he let out quiet sobs, trying his best not to wake you up. you needed as much rest as you could get, especially since you were still trying to juggle school and final exam prep as well as being 7 months pregnant.

it would have been him sitting outside or in the living room away from you, but he knew that you would wake up like you always did.

you began stirring in your sleep and he could tell you were having another night terror. they'd been getting bad recently. his hand made its way to your shoulder, rubbing it gently as he shushed you and told you that everything's okay.

you stopped moving around so much and didn't make so many distressed noises as he pulled his hand away.

he fought the urge to cry even more because if you were to wake up, he didn't want to burden you.

of course, you woke up.

turning around, you were met not with your usual fast asleep boyfriend, but with a teary mess. you sat up slowly, placing your hand on his knee, "rin? what's wrong?"

he tried his best to act nonchalant about it, "oh, i just woke up. are you okay?"

yeah, because he just randomly woke up and leaned against the wall and started making crying sounds.

his eyes were a little puffy and his cheeks had so many smudged tear stains that the light cracking through the door was bouncing off of him.

"rin," you tilted to your head and wiped the stray tear that was still falling down his face.

it wasn't fair that you were waking up to this. he wanted so badly to reject your affection, he wanted to push you away and tell you he was fine, but he wasn't.

you held his face and kissed the tip of his nose gently, "please talk to me?"

"i don't wanna lose you," he bowed his head, trying to hide his face because he didn't want you to see him cry like this. he could always be vulnerable with you, but this level of vulnerability was so foreign to him.

"i'm not going anywhere, baby, where is this all coming from?" you shook your head.

"i'm scared, y/n. this baby thing is freaking me out, and i'm not even the one that's gonna give birth to him."

you wrapped your arms around him, kissing his head now that his face was buried deep into your neck. "i know, rin," you whispered, "it's okay to be scared, it means you care."

"we're actually bringing a fucking life into this world," he mumbled. "what if i'm not good enough for him?"

"you'll always be enough - for both of us. trust me, if he's anything like his mom, he's gonna adore you," you assured.

he pulled back, "i'm so in love with you."

"i know that, you tell me every day," you smiled.

"i'm never gonna stop telling you that," he sniffed. "i've been in love with you since you threw up at that party and i had to hold your hair back."

now it was your turn to tear up, "back when we were only 16." you blinked back the tears, "agh, i hated 16 year old me, she was such an awkward doormat."

"shut up, that awkward doormat was my first love."

you pecked his lips quickly, "you're gonna make me cry, stop being cheesy."

you cringed thinking about what he said about the party, "how do you realise you're in love with someone that's cross faded and throwing up? and atsumu kissed me at that party, y'know."

"that's probably why you were throwing up," he laughed through the tears. "and no, i actually realised when we didn't talk for a year. it was the worst year of my life. every day just felt pointless when it wasn't ended with you."

"damn it, rin. you know i can't handle so much emotion right now," you wiped your eyes. he just smiled at you. "i'm in love you too. i think you know that."

"of course i do."

you kissed his cheek lightly, "i've been in love with you since my 17th birthday. i thought that day was good because i had a bunch of people actually talked to me for once, but i realised that it would feel like any other without it being started with you."

"you fell in love after me? shit, how are we just find this out?"

"because you never talk about your feelings, like this," you complained.

he sighed, "you're right, i've already said too much. it's the sleep deprivation."

"it's late," you glanced over to the nightstand and slid away from him, pushing him down onto his back at the same time. you lied down next to him, "night, rin."

"night, y/n."

a few seconds later, you opened your eyes, "can we ha-"

"no."

"worth a shot."

author's note.
i actually hate kids what am i doing