Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

1 6

"Aalis na ako. Okay ka lang ba talaga rito mag-isa?"

I chuckled when my sister asked me again for the nth time. Sinimangutan niya naman ako saka lumapit para pingutin ako. Napadaing ako kahit na hindi naman masyadong masakit.

"Tinatanong ka nang maayos. Kapag may kailangan ka, tawagan mo lang ako. Sige na. Mauna na ako." Tumango na lang ako sa kanya at hinatid siya ng tingin.

Napabuntong hininga ako nang tuluyan na siyang mawala sa paningin ko. Akala ko pa naman, makaka-tour ako sa Singapore. But I guess, I'm wrong. My sister forbade to go out. Or if she allowed it, she'll be the one who's going to decide of my whereabouts.

I just lay on the sofa like my usual routine. Nilabas ko ang cellphone ko para sana tawagan si Dillion but I realized that he is probably in the class. In the end, I chose just to do some household chores.

In the three days of staying here, I learned new things. I learned how to wash dishes properly and the right way of washing clothes. To be honest, I really don't know how to do those. Baka masiyado lang akong nag-focus sa studies ko kaya hindi ko na pinagkaabalahan ang mga bagay na alam ko namang may gagawa para sa 'kin.

I busied myself with different things. I also cooked for myself. Nagkandapaso-paso pa ako sa mantikang tumatalsik. I even teared up when I was peeling the onions. But all my efforts ended up in the trash can; it burned.

I scratched my head in disappointment. Umiling lang ako saka muling sinubukan, hoping that this time, everything will go well. Hindi ko na nasubaybayan ang oras. Masaya pala magluto kahit na hindi mukhang pagkain ang kalabasan.

Ako lang din naman ang kumain ng niluto ko sa huli. Gusto kong murahin ang sarili ko dahil ang pangit ng lasa. Hindi na talaga ako magluluto kahit kailan.

Bumalik ako sa sala habang hawak ang cup noodles na nakuha ko lang sa kusina. 'Yon na lang siguro ang kakainin ko ngayong lunch dahil hindi naman ako masyadong nagugutom. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hinihintay kong tumawag si Dillion. I just find it weird that he's not calling me like he usually does.

I decided to just scroll on my Instagram account. Si Dillion lang ang nakaka-alam na ako ang may gamit ng account na 'to. I told him because he keeps on bugging me about my social media accounts. Siya lang din ang nasa following list na siya rin ang naglagay.

My forehead creased when I saw one of his stories. Kaka-post niya lang fifteen minutes ago. It's him and his guy friends with Shane. Naka-akbay pa siya sa babae. Even though I tried to stop myself from feeling anything, I couldn't. I just saw myself gripping the phone tightly.

I heaved a sigh to calm myself. Hindi ko lang mapigilang magselos. Pero bakit pakiramdam ko wala naman akong karapatan? I mean, we're not together. Ako lang 'tong kung ano-anong iniisip.

Pakiramdam ko, nasira ang buong araw ko dahil lang sa larawan na 'yun. I went here in Singapore to have a peace of mind but look, mas lalo lang akong na-bother. I need to breathe.

To: 0987-873-9182
I want to go out. I need air.

I texted my sister. Ayoko namang magkulong sa condo na 'to sa buong stay ko.

From: 0987-873-9182
Buksan mo bintana para makahinga ka. Jk. Just don't go too far, Callan, okay? I am not ready for dad's wrath.

Agad akong nag-ayos ng sarili dahil sa wakas, makakalabas na rin ako. Hindi ko naman alam kung anong magandang puntahan dito sa Singapore na malapit lang sa Kim Chuan. Nevertheless, I will still go.

As of now, the nearest place I could visit was the Orchard Road. Feeling ko naman, masusulit ang stay ko sa Orchard Road pa lang. I'll try to look for something for my friends, too. Malamang ay kung ano-ano na naman ang sasabihin no'ng mga 'yon kapag wala akong ini-uwi.

Naghanap na lang ako ng masasakyan at hindi naman ako nahirapan. I also read that commuting is more reliable than owning a vehicle in Singapore. It's more expensive to own a car for it ranges from $100, 000 to $200, 000. Hindi pa kasama ang registration, insurance, and taxes.

I looked outside. Maganda ang sikat ng araw. You can see green plants everywhere considering that Singapore government focuses on making this as Garden City. Walang imikan sa loob ng sasakyan sa buong biyahe na siya namang ikinatuwa ko. Lahat ng madadaanan naming tao, nakikita ko ang sosyalidad sa mga damit. It seems that everyone here are wealthy.

Agad akong nagbayad nang makarating kami sa Orchard Road. Ang gaganda ng mga establishments na makikita. I can see some famous brands' building here. I must say that Singapore is one of the cleanest countries in the Asia.

Naglakad-lakad lang ako, naghahanap ng mga pwedeng gawin. Sinubukan ko ring makipag-kilala sa iba. Some ignored me but others really talked to me as if we knew each other for a long time.

"From what country are you again?" The man in his mid-40s asked me while I was looking for souvenirs. He's the owner of the shop.

"Ah, I'm from the Philippines." I smiled at him before giving him the bracelet that I chose. "How much?"

"I'll just give it to you for free." My eyes widened with what he said.

"Really?" I asked him. He nodded his head. "Thank you."

Naglibot pa ako ro'n hanggang sa mapagod. Masiyadong malaki ang Orchard Road at hindi pa man ako nakakapunta sa lahat, nakaramdam na ako ng hingal. But at least, I fulfilled one of my dream destinations here in Singapore.

At nakalimutan ko rin kahit sandali si Dillion.

Dillion...

Kahit na isipin ko lang ang pangalan niya, nararamdaman ko ang pagdaga ng dibdib ko. Is it still normal? That even we're miles apart, he can make my heart flutter like this.

I sighed because I, myself, didn't know the answer to my own question.

Kung saan-saan pa ako binitbit ng mga paa ko habang dinadama ang hangin sa paligid. The ambiance here and in the Philippines are kind of similar. The energy is also the same. But there is something in Singapore that will really make you came back.

"Hapon ka na naka-uwi? 'Wag mong sabihin na naghanap ka pa ng babaeng Singaporean. Naku! Pauuwiin talaga kita nang maaga, Callan."

My forehead creased after hearing what my sister said. Sinarado ko ang pinto at naglakad palapit sa family sofa. Hinubad ko ang sapatos ko atsaka sumandal sa inuupuan ko.

"I didn't go here to look for girls," I said in a low voice.

"Speaking of girls..." She moved towards me, narrowing her eyes. "Wala pa akong nababalitaang nagkakaroon ka ng girlfriend." I looked at her with confusion.

"Do I need to look for a girlfriend? That's a waste of time. Mag-aaral na lang ako kaysa makipag-bolahan." I flinched when she hit my arm.

"Ano ka ba? Wala namang thrill buhay mo e." She crossed her arm before standing up, looking at me from head to foot. "May kilala ako---"

"Ate, I don't want to entertain someone now." I stared at her intently. 

"Wushu! Baka meron ka nang special someone kaso olats." She started teasing me. Hindi ko na lang pinansin ang pang-aasar niya.

However, her words lingered; it haunted me. While staring at Dillion's drunk photo on my phone, instead of feeling the familiar waves in my heart, I felt low and pathetic. Sighing, I asked myself.

Olats ba talaga?