Overdose (BXB) Completed/Editing

Chapter 46 - Help

Overdose - Chapter 46

-Nico-

It's been three weeks since I moved into my new apartment. Mostly everything is in place and I'm learning to love it. Some nights, I miss my old place. Having my bed near the kitchen was a blessing that I took for granted.

I peel myself off the bed, turn off the light, and head into the kitchen. It's my first time going back to NA in weeks and a part of me feels guilty for not having spoken to Carter. I was in the midst of my life crumbling. The last time I talked to him he had to talk me out of a dark place and I kind of left the conversation on an ellipsis. I'm going back tonight because I'm trying to get back to "normal". Whatever that means.

I pour myself a glass of water, drinking it so quickly that it hurts. I set the glass in the sink, grab my keys, and make my way out of the door. I've been so busy with shoots that the few days I have to myself are spent lounging in bed and eating an unhealthy amount of Ben and Jerry's.

Taylor and Tatum are on vacation in Europe so hanging out with them isn't an option. Daniel and Laurence bought a house together last I heard. If I am completely honest, I thought Daniel would have already fucked up the relationship but they're still going strong. Good for them.

Shelby is a ten-minute walk but sometimes talking to her is exhausting so I try not to spend a long time with her. Otherwise, it would feel like work. So, most of the time, I spend it alone in my apartment.

I would be lying if I said I didn't think about Alex. I'm still angry with him but I miss him more than ever. I've thought about going to find him but each time I'm reminded that he hasn't come to find me, so I've concluded that he doesn't care anymore. Also, I won't be with him if he's going to keep using. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if he died and I just stood by and did nothing.

I just hope he's okay. I feel like an asshole for not answering any of his dad's phone calls but despite the time that has passed, the wound is still fresh.

The drive to the church didn't feel long. Mostly because I was lost in thought the entire time. I parked in my usual spot and made my way inside. It feels kind of strange being here again, I remember how much I hated coming here the first few weeks of being sober. I thought there was no way sitting in a room with people like me would help me but with every meeting that I attended, I was proven wrong.

Stepping into the room, the smell of fresh coffee welcomes me. I take a deep breath and scan the rows of chairs. Only a few people are seated so most of the chairs are empty. Carter had the idea to put the chairs in rows to make it less intimidating for first-timers. It makes sense because, in a circle, it feels like everyone's eyes are on you.

I pour myself a cup of coffee, no sugar, and no creamer. These days I've been drinking black coffee, not because I love the taste but because without it, I'd probably fall asleep in traffic. I take a seat in the second row towards the front. Carter usually walks in five minutes late and I've never asked him why. I thought it was weird when I first started coming to the meetings, but I realized that it was his routine. He does it every time without fail.

The meeting starts and Carter introduces himself. He looked over at me and shot me a proud smile. Honestly, he's the closest thing to a father figure I have. He's been there for me through a lot of fucked up moments and he's never shown me anything other than kindness.

"I always say that you never have to share when you're in this room. The reason for it is that sometimes, nothing can be said about our battles. Sometimes it's okay to just listen. When I first started going to NA meetings a million years ago..." A round of chuckles goes around the room and Carter smiles before continuing.