Overdose (BXB) Completed/Editing

Chapter 4 - Comfort

Overdose - Chapter 4

-Alex-

Last night I slept in my dad's room. He comforted me as I cried myself to sleep. I'm sure he thinks otherwise but I'm glad I have him. My actions don't show it most of the time and I can be mean but he's always there.

When I woke up, he had already left for work, but he left me a note. He said he'd be home at five and that he left my breakfast on the table. Instead of making my usual concoction of Vodka and Red Bull, I drank water despite knowing that I'll probably crash later in the day. I got myself ready, walked to the bus stop, and headed into the store.

"Hey!" Taylor greets me as I walk through the door. I offer her a slight smile, "Hi."

She motions me over and I comply. "Got some new inventory so I need them tagged and hung up on this rack- are you okay? You look pale," she asks with concern. I always look pale.

"I don't tan," I answer dryly. She gives me a concerned look before her eyes shift from my eyes to my arms. Shit. "Are you?"

"No. I'm not. They're old..." I explain as I feel my heart begin to pound against my chest. "Look, I don't care what you do outside of work in your free time but when you're on mine, I'd like for you to not be using. Okay?" Her voice is serious and stern. Even if I tell you I'm not, you won't believe me now that you've seen the scars.

"Okay," I nod.

"Cool. All the materials you'll need are on the cart. If someone walks in and I'm busy with another customer, you can ask if they need help."

I nod before turning my attention to the cart. Is it too early to say that I hate it here?

The day went by painfully slow. I lost track of how many items I tagged and folded. Thankfully, very few people came in and Taylor helped them. I wanted to take a Xanax badly, but Taylor's words mixed with my dad's discouraged me. Also, the fact that she kept glancing at me with an unreadable expression on her face made it nearly impossible to think about taking something. As a compromise, after Taylor let me off, I broke a pill in half and took one of the halves.

Since my dad said he'd be getting drinks with some of his coworkers, I am in charge of taking myself to the meeting. I could go home and pretend that I went but I promised my dad I would. Wouldn't be the first promise you've broken. I also told Nico that I would consider it. I haven't been able to rid myself completely of his eyes and going to the meeting won't help.

I had to take two buses to get to the church which wasn't that bad. It gave me time to think about life and what I want to do with myself. I can't keep being a burden to my dad and I refuse to go live with my mom. I need to find a middle ground that doesn't involve me changing who I am.

My mom doesn't know that I'm gay. I never bothered to tell her and neither did my dad. She always asks if I'm seeing anyone, and she always gets the same answer of 'no'. I don't think she would be angry, but I never know whether my mom will be understanding or dismissive. She might tell me it's a phase, or she might tell me that she already knows. Anyway, coming out to her seems useless now. I told my dad at the end of my freshman year. Jackson and I got into an argument; I came home with tear-stained cheeks which made my dad worried.

It was then I told him that Jackson and I were...together. I used the word "together" loosely because, at the time, all we did was sleep together. It wasn't until the summer before my sophomore year that I let myself fall in love with him. A mistake that would cost me everything.

Contrary to what I thought, my dad didn't get upset. He asked if I was happy being with Jackson and I naively said, "Yes". He wanted to meet Jackson but that never happened because Jackson was always too busy with football. Never busy enough to get me to a susceptible state of drunkenness.