RIGHT IN THE FEELS (a compilation)

Too Much

"Find someone else," I managed to spit out, my voice strained. "I am not the one for you."

I pushed you one more time and still, you wouldn't budge.

You don't get it, do you?

"You can't decide that for me," you whispered collectedly. Too calm. Too fucking calm that I'd mistook it for the truth if I can't feel how tensed your muscles are under my touch.

It does not take away the fact that you do embody this calm though.

You bring this... constant calm. Just pure fucking good things. Stupid butterfly flutters.

So much that I'd think I am granted happiness.

I wanna throw up.

How can I goddamn associate myself with that word?

No. This calm you bring, this too good to be true thing, this will come to an end too.

I hate you for it. That you had to make me feel something like it along with the awful dread that it's going to be snatched away from me one day.

That's why I refuse. And I fight it. And I push you.

You're too fucking beautiful, too unmarred, I know you'd make me bleed to my death if I let you.

"You're not my fucking type," I managed to let out more guttural retort. "I get to decide for myself."

Of course, you're not my type. I choose people like me for a reason.

Those who are spoiled. Unchaste. Tainted. Tarnished. Basically, broken.

You know, something already broken cannot hurt more than it did the first crack.

And you... you're too good for me.

You could ruin me. Pulverize my splintered pieces. Shatter my already chipped heart.

Sometimes people like you are more dangerous than the real pricks.

I'd expect them to hurt me, while you are a storm I'd fail to reckon with because you only gave me warm days and clear skies.

"Why do you hate me so much?" you muttered under your breath. "Why can't I be enough?"

I looked away. Maybe I am doing this for the both of us. But God, I wish hate is what I feel for you.

"You're too much!" I snapped, pushing you one last time and this time, you took a single step back, your face swirling with an emotion I am familiar with and your body trembling visibly it hurts, before I turn away, leaving you with the only truth I've spoken tonight.

You're too much. I am not enough. I am too rotten for you. I like you too much to sully you. Please, let us go. Free yourself. Forget everything about me. Please.