RIGHT IN THE FEELS (a compilation)

No Normal

Why do I have to like difficult things?

Why do I find preposterous things even more fascinating?

Life is already hard as is. Why do I keep wanting to cross the rough roads?

At school, at the church, fuck even on the bird app, we were taught to draw a line between the good and the bad. Plain, common sense. What we're not supposed to be. How we're not supposed to be. So, why in the messed up world do I like dancing on that same fucking line?

I lie on my bed. My clenched fists are trembling even when my whole body's fucking still. Dried tears mark my cheeks. Blood spouting between the cracks on my lips.

I wonder how it'd all be different if only I choose the safe path. If only I'd like the normal.

How all these would be easier if only I'm not a stubborn prick.

I can't, for the life of me, feel anything for the normal. This fucking heart. This fucking soul. Always, always acting like a petulant child and not wanting anything that isn't toxic.

We were doing better trying to make ourselves believe that we prefer what normal people do, but I can never escape it, can I? Am I tough enough to go through it? Will I make it to the end if I keep choosing this?

Will I see light amidst the darkness that surrounds me? Is there hope for the wicked?

"Fuck, why are we like this?" I whispered to the darkness, my voice sounding all gruff.

Why do I have to live like this? Why do I live with a soul this broken?

Why, why, why.

All these whys and I'd trade the answers to wanting a different path.

Fuck me, I know I can't. I know I won't want to want a different path. No matter how much I try to make believe. No matter how much I try to conceal. I'd always go back to this. I know I'd always end up here.

I'm carved like this.
I'd live like this.
I'd leave like this.

God help anyone fated to be soulbound to the wicked. That is, if hope is not impossible for someone like me.