From Then Till Now: A Jamaican Love Story Book 2

Chapter 1

Shanya's POV

Sunday 7:45 AM

He looks down on me and says, "You want to act like a bitch..."

He walks out of the room leaving me on my knees as I break down and bawl on the floor feeling broken. My mind keeps finishing his sentence "...you get treated like a bitch!"

I feel cheap, Alex has never cum on me like this, his cum feels heavy on my skin but I can't find the strength to go and wash the humiliation from my body. I know I was wrong, but Alex didn't even give me a chance to explain, I couldn't even touch him.

The floor is cold, I've been in this position for over an hour and my knees hurt. I try to get up and fall on my side as my legs fail me. I stretch out my legs and wait for the blood to circulate then I get up and walk to the adjoining bathroom.

I avoid the mirror; I can't bear to look at myself as all my self-esteem issues crowd my mind. I stand under the water hoping that it will wash away the memories from my past that is trying to suffocate me.

"Deep breaths Shanny." I tell myself as my heart starts beating fast, my breath is coming out short and I start to shake. I back into the corner of the shower and slide to the floor, I know what's going to happen and I can't stop it, I start crying . I grab my throat as I feel it closing, I am hot, so I crawl under the water, but it doesn't help and the panic attack that I was trying to prevent takes me over.

I haven't had a panic attack in months, Alex was my haven, but he made me fear him bringing up memories that haunted me for years. The attack lasts for about fifteen minutes. I can't stand up because I feel dizzy, I crawl out of the shower while trying to get my breathing under control.

After getting my breathing under control, I hold on to the door handle and pull myself up. I open the door and quickly walk over to the bed. With water dripping from my body, I climb in, exhaustion quickly takes me over forcing me to sleep.

Sunday 2:40 PM

I wake and reach for Alex but he's not there. I open my eyes and the memories come crashing down on me. I don't know how I'm going to face Alex; I've never been this humiliated in all my life.

I am hungry, I need to eat, I move to get out of the bed and my muscles feel sore, so I stretch them. I walk out of the room and go to our suite, Alex said that I wasn't worthy of being fucked in here. I feel the tears flow down my face as I remember how cold and heartless, he sounded.

My belly is cramping me, I sit on the toilet and empty my bladder. I dress and head to the kitchen, I don't see Alex and I'm relieved, I'm not ready to face him yet. I don't think I can look into his eyes after how he made me feel. I was humiliated by the man I had fallen in love with. I feel like the bitch he treated me as and I am disappointed in myself.

I understand that I hurt him but that wasn't my intention. I never set out to hurt Alex, dancing with Jamie meant nothing to me, I was just having fun.

I search the fridge and find fried chicken and mash potatoes. I prepare a plate and put it in the microwave.

While I wait on the microwave, I open the fridge and take out the bottle of Pepsi. As I pour the Pepsi into the glass I smile because I know Alex only has it here because of me since he doesn't drink soda.

I sit at the counter and eat trying not to think about my problems. The house is quiet and I know Alex is locked away in his office messing with what he shouldn't. Once he's upset that is where he goes, his stupid computers are all he truly cares about.

I roll my eyes and kiss my teeth getting up to put my plate and cup in the sink. I am not in the mood to wash them; I turn and head back upstairs.