Finding My Way To Reach Your Heart ✓

25. A guilt of hurting

Maheshwari mansion,

Lost in his thoughts, Sanskar was just walking on the terrace. Her face was appearing in front of his eyes. Her smiling face which fell when he said he is leaving. Then the recent conversation, that was echoing in his ears.

"How could I? I came with you Sanskar, not Arav."

Yes, she is right but how can he explain that he tell her that he couldn't be there with her. His insecurities were killing him from inside. One side he wants to share it with her but then he stops himself. He is feeling guilty for leaving her alone there. As soon as he heard from Arav that Swara left in cab, not with him, he got restless and immediately called her. And when he heard her voice and heard that she had reached home, he breathed in relief. But listening her further only drown him further in guilt.

Work? Does he have any? No, he lied and rushed back home leaving her alone. The evening was beautiful with her presence. Everything is beautiful with her but... He still can't let her come in his life. Se deserves better.

"What was that Sanskar?" His chain of thoughts was broken by a serious voice. It was Arav.

Sanskar didn't turn around. He stood near the parapet looking at nowhere particular in the night filled with stars.

"Bhai," He heard Laksh behind him.

Laksh already came to know about everything happened in the restaurant. As soon as Arav came, Laksh noticed a serious expression on his face and he asked him. Arav told him everything.

"Sanskar, we both know you didn't have any work. Then why did you leave like that? What happened all of the sudden dude?" Arav asked.

"Bhai, we know you still anxious about this marriage decision. But giving it a chance was a mutual decision by both of you. Then why are you stepping back? Leaving her alone like that, ignoring her, does she deserve it? Why did you leave?" Laksh asked.

"Because I can't take it Laksh!! I am anxious and insecure about this marriage. Hell yes!! But more than that, I don't want to ruin her life. For a moment, I try to take a step toward her but next moment I have to stop myself when I see her hopeful eyes. I feel guilty looking at her hopeful eyes. She is hoping a beautiful future for us which scares me. I get scared of myself that I m not good enough to fulfill them. I am uncertain about what future is holding for us. I hold no right to break her dreams. Yes, I am guilty that I left like that but I... I can't do it, Arav. I can't make her life difficult by bringing her in my life. And, it that's make me coward then I am." Sanskar finished with painful expression.

If Swara was hurt then he was feeling no less. It's a hell itself when you are the reason of someone's pain.

"The Sanskar I know, can never be coward." Arav said after listening everything and noticing his expression.

Sanskar looked at him. He nodded at him.

"Just because you are uncertain and insecure about this marriage that doesn't mean that you are coward. But tell me Sanskar, who knows his/ her future. No one does, right? Neither I know my future Sanskar. It's about trust and faith that are holding us. If something happens then our close ones will stand by us, they will care for us. But we always have to move ahead with time Sanskar." Arav said.

"Bhai, if she believes that you are best for her, if she trust in you and hopes a future with you then why are you taking back steps? She is hopeful and you are already uncertain? Guilty? As much as I think, she doesn't need your guilt bhai. She needs you to understand her, care for her." Laksh said.

Sanskar was listening to them without saying anything.

"Sanskar, you gave this relationship a chance but you didn't gave yourself a chance to live your life and your happiness. You tried to limit yourself so that she gets a reason to say no. But think about it Sanskar, do you really want it?" Arav asked.