Finding My Way To Reach Your Heart ✓

29. A reason behind lie

"I lied to you at that dinner night Swara." She heard him.

"I didn't have any work. I lied to you and left." Sanskar said truthfully. He was still looking straight.

"I knew that already Sanskar." She said and Sanskar looked at her amusingly.

She blinks and nodded at him with a small smile.

"Yes, I knew that you were lying to me. I felt you were trying to avoid me and you just wanted to go away. Still, I didn't ask you a single question. Because I trusted you that you will share with me whatever was disturbing you. But.. now I want to know. Why? Sanskar, you didn't need to lie to me. Then why?" Swara asked him calmly.

"Because I am not so strong, Swara. Yes, I was trying to avoid you but you were never at fault. It's just me. I am not able to.... I don't understand how should I say this? It's like I m... (Sighs squeezing his eyes)" Sanskar was saying but stopped.

Swara stood in front of him and looked at him. She gave a light squeeze to his hand and assured him to continue. He should let it out whatever is disturbing him.

"Tell me Sanskar. Please let it out. I m here to listen to you." She said in such a tone that he opened his eyes and looked at her. She blinked at him. Her eyes showed concern for him.

"I feel there is always something holding me back. I feel I am being unfair with you and you deserve better, not me. And even if I try a lot, I am not able to come out of these insecurities. For a moment, I try to keep myself away from these thoughts but the another moment, it cloud my mind. That evening when I saw you looking at that couple adoringly, I felt you have every right to choose and live a better life, not me. It was disturbing me and suffocating me. I didn't wanted to leave but I wasn't able to understand anything else and I choose to leave." Sanskar paused a bit and looked down averting his eyes from her while Swara was listening to everything keenly.

Sanskar paused a bit and then continued.

"I am sorry about that night Swara. I shouldn't have left you at the restaurant like that. I... I didn't want to do that but.. I just couldn't hold myself. I am really sorry." Sanskar said in heavy voice.

She could feel the guilt in his voice and felt bad that he is going through all this. But she felt happy too that he shared it with her.

"Sanskar, look at me." She said slowly as he was looking down.

Sanskar heard her but he couldn't met his eyes with her's feeling guilty. Lying to someone, hurting other's and their feelings are something what he never wanted to do in his life. But knowingly or unknowingly, he hurt the girl who is standing right in front of him.

"Sanskar, please look at me." She repeated it yet again and her hand lift to his face and touched it slowly before cuping it.

For a second, she thought not to do it and pull her hand back thinking how will he react but now when it's done then it's done. She didn't want to move back.
He felt a sudden peace errupted inside him. Her soft yet cold finger brushing on his cheeks still he felt it was giving a warmth to his heart. He lift his eyes to meet her's.

"Sanskar, I felt nice that you shared everything with me and It's ok Sanskar. I understand you." Swara said genuinely.

"Why only you will understand me? It's not only about you. I should also understand you Swara and I want to. But somehow I fail to do it. I am not able to move ahead leaving my insecurities behind. I don't understand what should I do." Sanskar said.

"Sanskar, you are not forced to do anything. Just be yourself and it's enough. You are best the way you are. It's enough for me that you have given a chance to this relationship and I know its hard to accept it all of the sudden. You know Sanskar, why I didn't ever ask you to meet in this one month time? Or shall we go out or something like that because I know you need time. Also, you have responsibilities and you will never back out. And that day, when you ask me for the dinner, I won't hide but I was really very happy that you tried to take a step ahead and the dinner night when you left, I...(She paused and avoided to say anything about it) but it's ok and.." Swara was saying when he interrupted.