𝐀 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐟𝐨𝐲 || 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐟𝐨𝐲 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

78.

hi sweet bubsss! this chapter is pretty sad☹️ i just wanted to say though that i don't want to see ANY comments about how Y/n is dealing with the grief of what happened. i don't want anyone judging her decisions nor acting as if she's being "dramatic". please remember that she/you are a 14-15 year old who has just watched a boy die. who just witnessed voldemort first hand, and who doesn't know how to deal with emotions.

thank you and i hope you enjoy<333

Harry and I sat next to each other.

At dinner. At breakfast. In dark corridors. Outside. When crying. When sobbing. When choking on our own grief.

I didn't process anything Dumbledore was saying during the funeral. My eyes and brain were zoned out. They were empty. They were numb.

I had only cried once since it happened. I was in denial, and I knew it, but I couldn't help it. Nothing brought me any comfort. No one brought me any comfort.

It wasn't that no one was trying to provide me with comfort, it was that I was blocking it out. I was blocking everyone out. I didn't want people seeing nor knowing how I felt.

I get pitiful looks at least 15 times a day from students passing me in the corridors. I don't want their pity, I don't want their concern.

I was fine. By myself.

Everyone seemed to make me uncomfortable, except for Harry. They looked at me like they wanted to know. Their eyes practically begged me to tell them everything that happened. I hate it. I fucking hate it.

The only thing that I felt okay doing was laying in bed and staring at the blank ceiling. It reminded me of my feelings. Blank. Empty. Small scratches in areas. And quiet.

I don't think I've talked in 12 hours. I've been hidden away in my dorm, avoiding any human interaction.

Every time I left my dorm I'd immediately get a rush of nausea. It felt like I had shared enough vulnerability to last me a life time. Everyone knew. Everyone knew I had cried at least once. Everyone knew I was sad. Everyone knew I was there. Everyone knew at least a small amount of what I was feeling. I couldn't hide my feelings this time because everyone already knew them.

A single warm tear slowly slides down my cheek, like they always did. The occasional tears were like a reminder. A reminder I was human. A reminder I was sad.

My eyes focus up on the ceiling. Blank, empty, scratches, quiet.

I hear a light knock on the door, but I don't look nor tell the person they can come in. My eyes just stay focused on the only thing I liked looking at.

The door opens slowly, a faint scent of food filling my senses as Pansy walks in.

She sets a plate full of food down next to me, looking at me for a second before looking away.

"I'm not going to force you, but I think your body would appreciate at least a little food." She says softly, sitting down at the end of my bed.

A small sigh leaves me before I slowly sit up, still avoiding any eye contact.

"What time is it?" I mumble, my voice slightly hoarse from not talking for so long.

"Around 7:00 P.M." She responds, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

I nod slowly, staring down at the bed. "Thank you," I say, trying to show my large appreciation towards her caring for me.

"It's because I love you, alright? We all do, Y/n," She gives me a small smile before slowly getting up and leaving the dorm.