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chapter 18 (William)

I know, I know, I am stupid for thinking about going back to Kerman.

He was the first guy I fell in love with, despite how he has been treating me I still thought of going back to him.

He cried so much in my presence asking for forgiveness, my heart broke, I never saw him cry, he was the strongest guy I know.

I don't know why he turned the way he did, but when he gave me his reason's, that Damian aka my brother, threatened his family with the video of us together.

He gave in to stay away from me, and when he couldn't take it he resolved to violently be with me, I hate it that it led to that, for some minute I forgot I had someone like parker in my life.

I just desperately want to be in Kerman's arm, I wanted to hug him and tell him not to cry when he was crying.

I couldn't, my head didn't let me move, when parker asked me to go out and talk with him I was confused, I wanted to be in my own space.

I hated the fact that my heart chose Kerman then, I couldn't look parker in the face, I felt ashamed of my self.

This guy molested me, he raped me countless time but I still had feelings for him, maybe I deserved never to be loved.

I felt claustrophobic as soon as parker left the class, soon I started running temperature, I was getting snappy at everything, even when Lena tried to ask if I was fine I snapped at her.

Walking into Lena's house was worst.

The mark parker gave me that I later explained to Lena that it wasn't a tattoo when she came to visit me in the nurses office, it kept on burning me, stinging me every time I thought of Kerman, making me want to run to parker.

My temperature started reducing as we got to Lena's house, it was almost a miracle, until I walked in on parker trying to sleep with Nina.

I don't know what happened but I woke up in a tub filled with ice, I was told parker didn't sleep with Nina by Lena. I wasn't even mad at him, I don't even know why I wasn't, but I still refused to talk to him.
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I was speaking with Kerman for the fourth time this week, I told him let's just stay friends because I have sorted myself out I only have feelings for Parker, I mean who wouldn't, his tall, has jet black hair, no single freckles, the most defined jawline, perfect  ripped body, he doesn't even work out, he has the most beautiful eyes, it was forest Green, looking into them make me want to jump him.
I smirked while thinking about him.

"Hey! You are not allowed to think of him when you are with your friends OK?" Kerman joked.

"Come on" I whined, "just a little" I said.

"No!" He said..

I smiled at our childishness, now this is the Kerman I loved, he was the best thing that happened to me, he saved me from bullies, we started dating in the closet, then he turned my bully.

"OK you are  frowning let me guess you are thinking about me?" Kerman said snapping me out of my thinking trance.

"Really? What are you God, how do you know what I was thinking?" I said frowning.

"You know, i am really sorry for everything," he said, for the hundredth time today.
I nodded, "yah I know.

You should talk to your man you know, Parker, he said. I really don't like him though. But I think he makes you happy. Kerman said

I looked up at him, yah, he does, am sorry we can't happen again I said.

Yah I messed up he said, at least give me a hug please? Kerman said.