Shudder

24. Bullet

Song for Chapter: Still Sane - Lorde

8 days later...

JESSIES POV

There were spurts of memory. I remember how to make cupcakes, but I don't know my own address. I know that Aimee's birthday is on August 22nd but I don't remember my own cell phone number. It was like my mind was a puzzle without any clues. I, just a runner through my own maze trying to get out.

It all made sense though- when I was with Zayn- It was like my memory would slide into place, only to be shoved right back out when he would leave, leaving me in an odd confused- but understood- state. It was weird; amnesia. You never know when it would come.

"I'm home babe." The days pass by the same way. I wake up confused, eat confused, shower confused, watch tv confused, but when Zayn comes home I understand.

"Hi."

"What have you been up to all day?" He knows my answer already but he stills asks because he wants me to feel important. I lay here while he goes to work. Helping people, something I have no clue on how to do. So I lie to him, make him feel like he's doing right by me; making sure that he doesn't know how sick, confused and sad I am.

"I went shopping with Aimee today." I lie through my tooth, but it's worth the smile he gives me.

"Hey, that's good! Remember anything today?"

"Not yet." And now the cons out way the pros. I'm basically telling him. Hey babe I went shopping but I'm still stupid! Not sure what the fuck my own address is, but I got a bomb ass dress! I'm pathetic.

"Soon babe, soon."

***

We sit on the couch, my legs wrapped in his as we watch the movie I don't remember the name off.

"Zayn." I ask him, nudging closer to him as I sit up to face his calming face. I look at the movie, gun sounds erupting the room from the TV screen as the actor jumps in front of them risking his life for the girl he loves. "Would you ever do that?" I ask him, just wanting to hear his voice so I could stop hearing mine own crawling through my head.

"Do what?"

"Take a bullet for me. Would you?"

"Let's hope I won't have too." He simple says, his eyes reverting back to the TV.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, babe, this is just a movie. It won't happen in real life. Did your little mind of yours forget we're in real life and not fantasy land."

He talks to me as If I am below him, something he can just shrug off. "So you wouldn't risk your life for me?"

"Why are we talking about this?"

"I just want to talk Zayn."

"Sure babe, I'd let a palet of metal rip through each layer of my flesh and bone to save your life." He sounds sincere but I know he isn't, the words feeling dry and tasteless.

"Bet that Harry kid would." I spit, wanting him to feel the slight bit of pain I feel.

"Hey-" He shoots up from his position, placing a hand over my back so we sit face to face, the movie now meaning nothing to him. "Don't talk like that. Don't mention him. I would take a bullet for you. I'd take 1001 if it meant letting you breathe one second longer do you understand me?"

His eyes search mine his doughy brown colour reflecting off of mine. He leans into kiss me before I can answer. His beard tickles my cheeks as he lays me back running a hand to tuck under my thigh bringing it around my waste. I don't feel butterflies, or sparks. No churning moans of love. I feel safe and comfy. Like a fresh hotel bed, or new wool socks. Content.