Shudder

19. Occasionally

Song for Chapter: A Hopeful Transmission - Coldplay

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--3 MONTHS LATER--

All of my boxes are almost packed; organized in 4 piles:
Zayn's House, Staying, Trash, Give Away.

"You don't have to move out you know?" Aimee sits on the other side of the boxes, showing me objects that lay around my room and deciding where they should go.

"No I do." I use bubble wrap to cover up my favourite mug and place it into the Zayn's House box.

"You've only known him for 3?...4 months? What if he is an axe murderer or watches Treehouse religiously. I know how much you hate the Wiggles."

I laugh out loud, putting one of my old shirts in the Give Away box. "He's really good for me Aimee. He's a certified therapist for crying out loud."

"Do you love him?" The room goes quiet as I think about my answer. It was only a season ago when Harry never returned my calls or texts after disappearing. I begged, and begged him to come back because I knew deep down inside I wanted him. I was just too afraid to admit it, but once he left me, I left him. I still miss him sometimes and I don't know why, I barely knew him. Maybe it was his innocence? His craziness? His dying love for me? I don't know. All I know is that I have been happy with Zayn.

It was kind of like as soon as Harry yelled "Fuck you!" through the phone that's what I needed to hear. For the past 3 months Zayn's become my boyfriend, we've slept in the same bed, cooked from the same kitchen, watched movies, went on dates. I felt almost married to him in our little bubble and I know I keep saying this a lot, but it's what I need. It's about patterns and a schedule.

Wake up
Call Zayn, if I'm not already with him
Go out to breakfast w/ Zayn
He goes to work
I read (Did I mention I read now?)
I have lunch with Aimee
I go for a walk
I sometimes go shopping
I have dinner with Zayn
I watch movies with Zayn
I have sex with Zayn
Then I either sleepover or go home.

With a schedule I stay focused and busy, I have no time to think about the pain I feel every morning when I physically restrain myself from not watching the sun come up, or the burning in my throat every time Harry's voicemail comes through. With schedules and patterns I can be normal for just a moment, and I hold onto that moment for dear life.

So do I love Zayn for making me feel normal?

"Occasionally." I say not looking up as I wrap another mug.

"What does that mean?"

"I think I love him because he makes me better, but I don't know what type of love it is, I feel so comfortable with him."

"Isn't comfortable a good thing?"

No I want to say, "I guess."

***

"Ready to go?" Zayn stands at the front of Aimee and I's- well now just Aimee's apartment, a box in his arms.

"Mmhmm."

"Alright I'll be in the car." He saunters towards the elevator, the doors closing as I turn to face my best friend.

"Don't move out. Who's going to cook? You know I can't cook. Who is going to laugh too loud when we watch a funny movie, or eat all my frosted flakes?"

"I need this Aimee."

"I know, you keep saying that."

"....Because it's true."

"Be good okay? I'm only a 10 minute drive away."

"I'm going to miss you so much Aimee. This is the first time in our lives were we have been more then 80 steps away from each other."

"Well, there was that time when I went to camp."

"And you came home crying because you missed me."

"Ya." A tear rolls down her cheek and I wipe it away smiling.

"Why are you crying? I'm going to see you in not even 12 hours for lunch tomorrow."

"But you won't be here , your physical presence won't be here."

"I love you Aims."

"Love you too Jess."

We embrace each other for a long time knowing that even though we live 10 minutes away from each other and we'll still see each other every day it won't exactly be the same.

A ring of my phone interrupts our hug as I push back and recognize the ID as Zayn. He must be wondering what is taking so long. I put the phone back into my back pocket as Aimee hugs me one last time, ushering me into the elevator.

Just as the doors close me in, she hands me my last box, "Harry loves you better." She says right as the doors close.

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I know it's a short chapter sorry, it's a filler chapter, just trying to lengthen out the book and explain more... There will be smut in the next chapter though :)

trailer here:
https://youtu.be/yi-MGI2PIvQ