Shudder

35. Show Me

Song for Chapter: I Won't Let Go - Divergent Soundtrack (this song makes me cry it is so pretty)

JESSIES POV
His arms were wrapped around me as we laid in his apartment bed. The pillows were pulled up over our chins and I could feel his body heat radiating off of him. He wasn't asleep. His breaths weren't even and slow. I could feel him staring at me but I didn't know what to say. He was leaving me.

"This isn't a choice I want to make but I have too." his voice was full of sorrow and I felt his arms tighten around me.

"You don't have to do anything." I was so cold, so hurt. I could feel the pain slowly dripping back in.

"I have to fix myself. I can't do it here with -"

"With me. You can't make yourself better when I'm around." That felt like another stab to my already shattered heart.

"Yes. You distract me. You make me want to help you first but I can't help you when I'm broken too. You inspire me to do better. Before I met you I couldn't feel anything."

"What do you feel now?"

"Pain, all over." He was hurting as much as I was. We were left with nothing, "I need to find myself and I need to find Louis. And when I come back I'll be better then Zayn could ever be."

"You can do that here. You can visit your mother and get a better therapist. You don't have to leave me here."

"I do, I have too." He was kissing all along my neck, peppering me in his pain.

"When?"

"Soon. Next week maybe."

"Then let me give you something you can always come back too."

I turned to face him, straddling my legs across his waist. His large hands pulled against my waist. My lips finally attacking his as we kissed. I could feel a tear rolling down my face, the burning emotions of pain, and sadness running through both of us.

My hips rock along his waist. 4 layers separating us. A loud moan pressed against my lips as his hands shakily fumbled with my shirt. He was nervous. We both knew where this was going. I wanted him all before he left. I wanted to get to know every inch of him.

His hands were trembling as they slide along my bare chest and arms. Our tongues grasping each others, our lips forming perfectly together. I could feel his eyelids flutter against mine, a tear falling like mine.

My hands ripped open his buckle as our kisses became faster, full of passion and desire. I could feel the outline of his shaft against my core, causing a pool of wet to form on my lace panties. He slipped out of his pants and boxers and I did the same. Both of us fully exposed in the most intimate way. His body was pressed so close to mine, his eyes were wide and his skin was burning hot. He flips us, his body now hovering over mine.

"I love you." He says wrapping one hand around my leg lifting it to rest on his shoulder and another perched on his elbow and entangled in my now long hair.

We were a mess, but it was our mess. His kisses planted sloppily all around my chest and jaw. "I know- i know, show me" I whispered into his ear.

His nervous hand slide up my smooth leg and I felt him slowly slip in. A loud gasp fell from his mouth as he fully filled me. He kissed along my chest panting at the brand new pleasure. He didn't move causing me to squirm in sexual frustration but his lips attacked mine as he slowly pulled out, to push back in. It was excruciatingly slow. My core was turning at the feeling of him pressed against me and I bit down on his shoulder due to the waves of pleasure.

His hips rolled into mine, loud moans and kisses filling the room. He was getting close, his thrusts getting harder and faster. His swollen lips tried to kiss mine but the pleasure was to much for his body to handle, his lips now just pressing against my skin.

"Harry I-" I wanted to say it. Like word vomit it was coming up, filled with pleasure, and pain I wanted to say the words 'I love you' but I couldn't just yet.

His hands entangled from my hair, his finger falling down my chest and slowly gracing my core. "Fuck" I gasp at his cold touch. The ring on his finger causing my back to arch and my head to fly back against the pillow. We were both close , our lips and bodies moulding together like clay.

"Jessie!" He screams, his croaky voice echoing against closed doors. My nails dig into his back, I bite his neck as the pure pleasure rocks my body. Our highs are together, both of our bodies grabbing onto each others for comfort.

"I-I" I say as he flops down against my chest. His lips pecking along my collar bone and jaw. He slides out of me still kissing my hot sweaty skin.

"I'm going to come back for you, once I'm better." I want to believe him. Even after making love to him and taking his virginity, feeling everything he feels for me. Even after kissing his lips and hearing the words I love you, I can't believe. It's because every time someone promises to stay; they don't.