Shudder

42. The Wedding

You guys are going to be real mad at me after reading this :) (1 More Chapter)

Song for Chapter:
Bloodstream- Ed Sheeran
Wait - M83
To Build A Home- The Cinematic Orchestra

JESSIES POV

*2 months later*

My change room was all white. My dress was all white, my shoes... white, but I still felt anything but pure.

I was getting married in 3 hours. Handing myself over to someone I love, but wasn't in love with.

I truly hate myself, I hate the way I turned out to be, I blame no one but myself. The way I treat Harry, Zayn even Louis, it's horrendous but I can't bare myself to stop and that is what kills me the most.

As I apply another coat of masquara I watch myself in the mirror, I really look at myself. And it sickens me.

I stand up from my chair and unzip my one piece. There was something about knowing a decision your making will change your life that burns at your core. It takes over your body like a virus.

I slip into my corset that will will lie under my dress. I pull my white stocking up onto my thighs and I let my hair hang in curls around my face.

I was the opposite of the way beautiful should be; gorgeous on the out, but not on the in.

There was a knock on the door, it was probably Aimee checking in on me. "Come in."

And there he was. In a suit that fit him so beautifully, his long hair running down his shoulders. He was absolutely stunning. It chilled me to my core.

"Congratulations." That one word hit me as hard as a rock as he steps into the room. His eyes ranked along my body and I forget I only had a corset on. Grabbing a robe I through it around me and sit on the couch beside him.

"Not yet, in a few more hours." I could see he looked miserable, he eyes were dragging and dark, he couldn't stop playing with his hands.

The last two months we've kept in touch but nothing the way it used to be. Zayn and him have seen each other more, they've continued to be friends and I am happy for that. But I miss him immensely.

"Well congratulations anyways. I just came in here to check to see how you were doing and to give you your present, I didn't want anyone seeing it." He handed me a small box with a white bow around it.

My small hands unraveled the bow and as I opened it up my body tightened as if the pressure in the room multiplied.

It was a silver bracelet with the words , 'You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I am grateful.'

"Harry -" My fingers traced along the the cursive wording. It was from the Fault In Our Stars, a book so stupid but meant so much to him for some reason. One of the first conversations we've had is about how he wanted to be a bird as he spoke nonsense about John Green.

"I remember when I first saw you Jessie, I thought you were the most captivating girl I've ever seen, and I don't know how many times I can say this but I hate you. I hate all that you've done to me, I hate that because of you I don't want to live, I hate that because of you I feel more then I ever wanted, I hate you."

His words left me with daggers in my heart, "Harry - I" He held up his hand to stop me.

"Wait-." His eyes diverted to the floor as if he was loosing confidence but regained it as his eyes found mine once more.

"Although in my stomach and in my fucked up head I have nothing but hate towards you, in my chest- my heart- I can't fathom any other emotion but pure love. I am not going to tell you you're making a mistake, I'm not going to stop you, I just wanted to say thank you, for everything and nothing, and thank you for making me happy even if it's just for a little while longer."