You And Me - A Collection of Les Twins One Shots

Pain

There is always a dull ache whenever Laurent isn't with him. 

It feels like an imbalance, mostly, as though one of his limbs or organs is missing, as if his body forgets how to function properly the second Laurent isn't within reach or sight.

Throughout the years Larry has learned to ignore the nagging feeling of discomfort but it's definitely one of the less enjoyable sides of their bond. The feeling of something being 'off' when the other is not around can be almost overwhelming. It can twist every thought and emotion inside of them into a mind-numbing maelstrom of 'I wonder where he is' and 'what if something happened' and it can make it quite hard to function normally until the other is safely returned.

Larry is used to this because he has known nothing else for an entire year when their mom had first separated them. He knows that dull ache well enough to almost consider it 'normal' even if it's unwanted. He can force down the worry. He can walk and talk and laugh and joke, pretending that everything is fine, even when he feels skittish and insecure and totally off balance without his brother there to keep him grounded. He's not new to the concept of being by himself for extended periods of time. 

So it comes as a total surprise how hard it hits him today. 

They haven't even been apart all that long and it's not like they're in different cities or anything. A quick glance at his phone confirms that it's only been a few hours since they'd last spoken on the phone, so Larry is surprised by the tingling sensation of something being 'off' today. It never hits him at the same intensity, there are days when they're apart and Larry feels fine and sometimes he feels lost within a minute of Laurent leaving. So he shrugs it off at first, telling himself that he'll call Laurent later, hell, maybe he'll take a brief detour after lunch. 

But the ache inside of Larry grows and grows until it becomes almost physically unbearable and that's new. He feels a deep-rooted discomfort in his body, from his head to his toes,  from his fingertips to the tips of his hair and it's undeniable and overwhelming and it knocks the breath right out of him. 

"Are you okay?" Mel asks and Larry can barely hear her voice over the rushing of blood in his own ears. He's gripping the edge of the table hard enough to turn his knuckles white and his heart twists in his chest, robbing him of his breath. He can't even answer her because the overwhelming sensation of grief hits him so hard and what the... actual fuck. 

"Larry?" 

"I need to go," Larry murmurs and shoots up from the table. 

"What?" Mel frowns, reaching for his hand. "What's going on?"

"Something's wrong."

"Wrong?" she repeats, sending a concerned glance at the restaurant guests who had started looking at them. She lowers her voice, eyebrows raised in demand. "You mean--" 

"I'll call you later, okay? I'm sorry."

They'd met up for a quick lunch in one of Mel's favorite places and Larry shouldn't leave her like that, not with everyone staring and them having just ordered, but before she can put up a genuine protest, Larry is already halfway out the door and waving a taxi over.

He's fumbling for his phone, hitting speed-dial but the call goes straight to voicemail and Larry instructs the driver to go faster. 

Laurent doesn't open the door for him, not even when he slams his knuckles against the sturdy wood time and time again, yelling his brother's name until Larry eventually curses and decides to get in with he spare key. 

"Lau?" Larry calls out, quickly making his way across the apartment. 

He instinctively goes for the bedroom, splaying his hand against the half-open door and gently pushing it open. The curtains are drawn and the air is stale, but Larry spots his twin easily from his vantage point at the door and his heart sinks at the sight. 

Laurent is squeezed into a spot between his bed and the wall and he's almost perfectly hidden there in the darkness of the room, if it wasn't for his afro to peak out from atop the unmade bed. He's sitting with his legs pulled up to his chest and his face buried in his hands. His shoulders are quaking but there's no sound. 

Fuck.

Larry rounds the bed slowly, allowing his twin to get used to his presence, pouring energy out even before they have any sort of contact or touch to transfer it. The pain is massive and he feels it, shares in it without question or thought.

Laurent doesn't acknowledge Larry's presence in any way until Larry crouches down, puts a hand on his shoulder, thumb gently stroking against Laurent's neck. "Show me."

Laurent shakes his head, keeping his eyes stubbornly averted. 

"Lau," Larry demands. "Let me see." 

He wishes he hadn't asked. 

Laurent allows for Larry to gently pull his hands away from his face and Larry's eyes instantly fill with tears at the sight he's met. Laurent's features are etched with grief, raw and unfiltered and absolutely heart-breaking and Larry knows what happened, no explanations needed, no gestures or words. Just this pain shared between them because Larry's throat is closing up on him without his say-so. His breathing is getting sloppy and his chest stutters and suddenly Laurent latches onto him. Larry catches him easily, wrapping his arms around his brother's quivering back. Laurent buries himself into him, all wails and snot and tears and no words at all, just broken sounds of misery and Larry understands it all because he feels it, right there on the ground with his brother in his arms, he feels every bit of self-doubt and anger and guilt and devastating brokenness. He feels it all and he can't say anything to make it less painful. It's gut-wrenching and he hates it. Hates her for doing that to his brother, no matter what her reasons might have been. He knows Laurent loves her, knows there'll probably never be anyone else to get his brother like she did. He knows this isn't just some random breakup, some random woman in his brother's life, but the one that he'll always measure everyone else up to. He knows it has been coming, Laurent must have felt it too. But the pain of it now that it finally happened shocks them both, leaves them gutted and broken on the floor.  

"Larry," Lau chokes out and it's a plea for Larry to make it right somehow, to take the pain away. 

Larry shakes his head in apology. 

He can't. 

"I's okay, my brother. I've got you," he says. "I'm here."

Laurent cries harder and Larry shushes him, holding him tighter, allowing him to curl his body around Larry's until their limbs are too intertwined for him to know where Laurent begins and he ends. They are one in this moment. In the pain.

"I love you," Larry whispers because it's the truth. Because it will never change, never lessen. His love for Laurent is unconditional. It's non-negotiable. And it's the truest thing Larry has ever known. "I  love you." 

He'll say it a thousand times over, for as long as it takes his twin to remember that no matter who comes or leaves them in this world, Larry is here to stay.