subtle|skz

-twenty-nine-

-Chan's POV-

I sigh as I watch ChangBin smile and joke around with the others. He seems so happy right now. I don't want to have to ruin it tomorrow. I don't want to have to be the one who makes him depressed. It's just not fair. Why does it have to be me? I'm supposed to make them happy and make sure they're sleeping and eating well—I'm not supposed to be the one who tears them down and breaks them into a million pieces.

"Channie—what's wrong?" HyunJin tugs gently at my arm.

"Nothing—eat, Jinnie. We have to move later, so you'll need lots of energy." I encourage as I try to redirect his attention back to his food. I can only handle so much right now. I know I need to be aware of HyunJin's feelings—but I'm so caught up in how ChangBin is going to feel that I just don't have enough brainpower to do both.

HyunJin seems to catch on though. He doesn't pester me and goes back to eating. The moment to think doesn't last long enough. I can see the worry in SeungMin's eyes and ChangBin has been eyeing me suspiciously, too. I'm just not sure how to address it.

"Why aren't you eating?" ChangBin is the first to speak to me. He glances down at my barely touched food before back up at my eyes.

"Oh—I—um—just distracted—that's all. Sorry—I'll eat—I promise." I pick up my fork and start to pick at my food. I'm usually a big eater, but right now I just can't handle much. I'm too worried about what's going to happen tomorrow. My stomach just can't take much more than a few bites.

"You're worried aren't you?" HyunJin whispers softly as he places his hand on my thigh beneath the table. Thank god the table cloth shields us from prying eyes.

I swallow hard and nod subtly. He's the only one who knows what's truly going on. I told the others we had to move up ChangBin's celebration so he would have time with Felix before I broke the news to him that he'd be stuck with me and JiSung for a few weeks working on songs. That wasn't completely a lie—he will be—but there's more.

"Don't be." HyunJin rests his head on my shoulder and smiles weakly. He wants to do more to comfort me, but he can't. We're in the public eye. Any sort of romantic gestures have to be done behind closed—and locked—doors.

I can't help but worry. Even amongst all the playful chatter, I can't help but focus on ruining ChangBin's birthday tomorrow. He's going to hate me. It's going to be the worst birthday he's ever had—and it'll be my fault.

"Chan—eat something. You're worrying us." MinHo snaps me out of my trance and I quickly collect myself.

"Sorry—I'm just really distracted." I brush it off and do my best to eat as much as I can. It's hard—but I manage to finish most of it while they spend the next fifteen minutes talking.

"Are you feeling alright?" ChangBin questions as he hurries to catch up to me while I head for the door.

"Yeah—I'm fine, Bin. Don't worry about me. Just got a lot to think about. I promise it's nothing." I squeeze his shoulder as Felix and the others come to join us after paying.

"He's just being a bum. Don't worry about him. You and Lixie are going to have some fun—that's what you should be focused on. We'll deal with him. He'll get over it." HyunJin reassures ChangBin as he slips between us to lock arms with me.