subtle|skz

-nine-

A/N: so I was originally thinking of doing this chapter in Chan's POV cuz I just did a HyunJin POV a few chapters ago... but it just felt like his perspective would be better... so here ya go...

HyunJin's POV

I move as gracefully as I can in time to the music. My heart beats steadily as I fall to the ground in defeat. I lay down on the cold, hard floor and close my eyes. My breathing is ragged and my mind racing with imperfections. Rough hand movements. Stiff legs. There were so many things that needed corrected—but laying here now—they all fade away. I let out a soft chuckle as I force myself back onto my feet. I get in place as the song creeps toward its end.

Staring at my sweaty reflection in the mirror, I dart my tongue out to wet my dry lips. Three hours. I've been going hard for three hours and I refuse to stop. The others left after group practice and I've locked myself in since then. I've had so many sinful thoughts today—especially during practice with the others. Just seeing Chan's shirt ride up the slightest bit made my chest burn and my pants get tighter. Seeing the prominent veins on his arms and his strong hands made me feel lightheaded. I've been trying to chase the thoughts away since then. I can't face him thinking such dirty things. I'm still supposed to be mad at him, but all I want him to do is pin me to the wall by my throat and fuck me—hard.

I know it's wrong. I've known it's wrong since day one. The moment I started to feel the slightest bit for him I panicked. I thought I was a horrible person for loving someone who's job is to look after me—kind of like a father. I made myself out to be a disgusting person and forced everything deep inside in hopes of keeping everyone else happy. The harder and harder it got—the more and more I wanted to die. The thought of not being with him made me want to curl up in a ball and just stop existing.

I craved his touch. I craved his praise. I craved him.
I've always worked hard to prove my worth to him. I never wanted to look like anything less than perfect in his eyes, but then I started getting clumsy. When I finally caved and talked to him in the studio—it was my last attempt to save myself from failing in his eyes completely. My clumsiness had gotten me into far too much trouble for me to be able to move on like nothing was going on. I had to open up. I had to be transparent with the one person I wanted to hide everything from.

Lost in my thoughts—I miss the first few beats, but quickly pull myself together. I stare at my reflection and memorize every line of my body. I find them all messy and flawed, but the fans love them. The boys love them. They're always telling me how pretty I am when I dance—but I don't see it. I see a sloppy mess that needs hours of more work. Nothing is ever good enough for me, but no matter how much effort I put into it—it's never enough—so I trust them. I let them be my clock. If they tell me it's enough—I stop. I stop and let them be the one to determine my worth—it's all I can do when nothing is ever enough.

So distracted by my own movements, I didn't even notice someone slip into the practice room. The only reason I notice they're there is the pair of hands resting my hips. I let out a soft gasp as my movements are stilled by a strong grasp. I tilt my head a bit the moment I feel lips on my neck. I close my eyes tightly and reach up to tangle my fingers in his hair. I don't need to see his face to know who it is. I know his touch and his lips better than my own name.

"You look so pretty, my Prince. So pretty when you dance for me." Chan's kisses become hungrier as he nibbles and sucks at my throat.

"Fuck—st—stop—you'll leave marks." I relish in the feeling of him, but attempt to stop him the moment reality sets in.

"Shit—I'm sorry. I got distracted by how sexy you looked—I didn't even think about that." Chan pulls back a bit flustered.

I spin around in his grip and place my hands on his chest. I quickly claim his lips and his hands slide down my sides until they settle on my ass. I groan softly into the kiss as he squeezes roughly. He pulls me flush against his body as he slips his tongue into my mouth. I give him full control of every inch of me. My body is far too exhausted from the excessive dancing to put up even the slightest fight.