Dear Diary

Entry 1

Dear Diary,

Have you ever felt like dying? Like nobody would care if you did? Have you ever said 'I'm ok' but in reality, you just want them to look you in the eye, hug you, and say 'I know your not'? I feel that way all the time. Only lately, I've been cutting more. Like that will save me. I don't want attention. I just want to feel loved instead of unwanted, I cut instead of breaking down and crying in front of those I care about. Now I don't know if I can cry anymore. I've kept myself shut down, and trapped inside my own mind, so that now I don't know if I can or will be saved. I wish I could talk to someone about this, but I don't want (I'm taking out the names that were here and just putting a leader that's in their name) G to worry, or think of me differently. Or any of my friends for that matter. Most of my friends know that I cut, they don't like it but they understand. G's the one that tries the hardest to get me to stop. I appreciate it but I feel like I'm just letting him down. He's the one who actually knows me. He knows more about me than T! That's why I don't want to think of what would happen if I were to loose them. Like, I open up, just to be shoved away. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I would be lost forever. As it is another little bit of me slips away every minute. I want help, but I can't ask that of them, or anyone. Is that wrong? Is it bad to stay locked inside? Should I let someone help me?

Artistically yours,

H