Dear Diary

Entry 28

Dear Diary,

Hello. Yesterday I picked up cutting again and I so regret it. I feel so ashamed and satisfied with the cuts at the same time.... I hate myself so much. Still, where they currently are I only have to be carful with them at tennis practice, meaning none of my usual short shorts. Slightly sad about that, but it's my fault for going so low down on my thigh. Yes, I only cut one thigh. I keep most of my cuts to one side of my body because I'm right handed at it. I mean, I've tried with my left, but I go a little too deep without meaning to. So I stick with my right. I have to put this because it was the highlight of my day. Someone had the bright idea to braid G's hair. Seriously!!!! It got braided fourth hour(one of the ones I don't have with him. :(. It sad, but I'm so not taking Spanish, I would have to give up one of my beloved electives.). He kept the braids the rest of the day, not one teacher told him to take them out as far as I know. It looked adorable on him, but at the same time I have a sneaking suspicion that he's more gay than I originally thought. If that's the case then I better watch out cause I know a few dudes he'd turn flat out gay for. Lol. The things I say, it's amazing I have any friends at all. I'm nothing but depressing. I don't say anything funny, I'm always moping about (I actually don't have much control over that one, depression's a bitch), and I always say the sad shit. That's all I do is drag people down. Maybe it would be better if I were just left alone. Then I'd have no one too hurt in which would seriously help my self hatred thing. Ok I'll admit that was a lie, nothing will help that, and probably me, but at least alone I can stop ruining lives and feeling so damn weak and fragile. That's how I feel and that's how I'm treated sometimes, like one wrong move would shatter me into a million pieces. I want people to be open and honest with me, I don't care how much it hurts. I'm not a fucking glass bottle or some shit, I'm not that easy to break so people can and need to stoop treating me like I am. I didn't think I was that broken, so why do others? Am I really so helpless looking that people think that? Or do I just always look so sad that people try to stay on my good side? I don't understand, why? I guess that's all for now, so bye.

Artistically yours,

H