Dear Diary

Entry 36

Dear Diary,
Hello. I'm alive, and still with my friends. I'm sorry to every one I scared. I didn't want to hurt anyone, I just wanted to leave. I won't pull a stunt like that again anytime soon! When I went back to the the morning after I typed the last entry I thought at least one person would slap me like I deserved, no one did, instead I got the opposite of what I deserve and people hugged me. After I put my racket up I saw G walking toward me, he looked ticked and relieved at the same time. He told me to never scare him like that again, the mixed emotions in his eyes hurt a little. He looked mad, sad, happy, and relieved at the same time, but most of all he just looked tired, I didn't mean to do that, I didn't think people would miss me. Still they probably would forget about me in a month, and G would find someone better. That's all I wanted, was to erase the thing hurting people, instead I hurt them more. I can add that to the long list of reasons I hate myself. The next day things were more normal, but I was really depressed, to the point that the second I knew my mom was asleep I started crying my eyes out. Yesterday I was slightly better, but I was seriously tempted to slit my wrist deeper than I've ever gone, not enough to kill me, just enough that the pain would last a while. I didn't, in fact I haven't touched my razor since I typed the suicide thing. Today I'm just tired, I had some weird nightmares about my dad last night so I got next to no sleep. At least I get to paint today, even if it's only for the civil war project I'm doing, paintings painting. I couldn't before cause I ran out of paint. I also get to see G and C today, we have to finish the other stuff for the project. I should probably say sorry for taking so long to do anything on this, I just didn't feel up to it. I still don't but I promised I'd update. Guess that's all, bye.

Artistically yours,
H