Dear Diary

Entry 7

Dear Diary,

Hello again. Ok, last night me and K were talking and I turned into some sappy chick from a movie. I mean seriously! I couldn't stop thinking about G. It was really nice. I was up until about midnight daydreaming about him and picturing his adorable smile. His beautiful brown eyes with tiny flecks of gold. His cute curly hair. I love how there's one curl that stands out from the rest. It's really kawaii. Even today I was daydreaming about him. Every time I see him I want to melt. When he has his arm around me it feels like that's where I belong, with him. When he holds my hand I want to squeal. I can literally feel sparks fly threw me when he touches me. I want nothing more than for him to smile. I would do anything if it meant he would grin, I would feel like a failure if I couldn't make him do that. He's so amazing!!!!!! He can play the clarinet, he can always make me smile just by glancing at me, he can dance like ermigawd he is so good at dancing!!! He's smart, I rely on him for a lot when it comes to technology. He can always cheer someone up, especially me. With him I feel loved, butterflies (hehehe, can't help it), and I feel happy and wanted. Everything is better when he's around. I can describe him in one word, perfection. In my eyes he is perfect, and I love him. Not in the automatic couple love way where they don't actually mean it. I love him with all of my heart and then some. He is the most amazing man I've ever met and I will do anything to make sure he's always happy. Gawd, I probably sound like some sappy love sick chick from a movie when I say this, but I feel at home in his arms, I can't help but smile and blush when he holds my hand. At the mention of his name I start to daydream about him. I never want him to let go. Every time he tries to help me when I'm depressed or cutting or one of the other things I do that I shouldn't, I just want to start crying cause I feel like I'm letting him down. He always helps me and I feel like a failure cause I don't know how to return the favor. Ugh!!! Why do feelings have to be so hard?!?! I mean, I'm trying to put my feelings over this into words but it's all gibberish in my mind, like if I were to picture him right now, which I am, all I can think to say is 'uh- um- I-wait- I' it's like with him my mind melts away and abandons me, I want to tell him how much he means to me, but I don't know how so it turns into gibberish. It's a wonder I can hold a conversation with him just because of that. *Sighs* When I lean on him, he's not bony like people think, he's so comfy and when he laughs, I want to just wither away in fangirl mode. I wish I knew how to say this in better terms so it would have full effect, but I love G, for him I would find away to bring about world peace, or end world hunger, anything if meant making him happy or that I could see his smile. I swear, his smile is just plain cute, he looks so young when he smiles, it's really adorable, I look forward to when I get to see him grin! I just look awkward when I smile. I don't know how he ended up with me, but I'm really glad that he did. With him, I feel everything, happy, loved, wanted, at home, it's wonderful. He's wonderful. There's a million words that I could use to describe him. Sadly I don't have enough time to type all of them. I would, he is worth everything. He is my beacon of hope and light that leads me through what seems like an endless night of depression. He's succeeded where others have failed. For that I am more grateful than words can express. Just like words cannot begin to describe how I feel about him. G is the first man I have ever wanted to be with, that I love, that I would cuddle forever if I could. That is how I feel about him, and that is how I will always feel about him.
Artistically yours,
H