Dear Diary

Entry 11

Dear Diary,

Hello again. About what I said yesterday, I was really depressed but I meant all of it. I wish it wasn't the truth but all of it is. I wish there was a way out of my mistakes, lies, mind. Now I know that there isn't, I'm forever stuck like this unless by some miracle I find a loop hole. It would take a miracle so I doubt I'll be saved. Meh.............. I wish someone would just end it, end me. I know someone won't, but I'm not someone, I'm no one. So could I do it? I doubt it. I wish I could, but I know I can't. Plus, I couldn't hurt my friends like that. They may not like or care for me, but I care and like them a lot. I would do anything for them. That's why I hope that they like me, I don't want to be hurt, I deserve it, but that doesn't mean that I want to be hurt. *Sigh* I don't want to be like this, I want to be positive, but I just can't see the good in myself. So how can others? How can G, or T, or C like me when I'm nothing more than a lowlife bitch whose done more harm than good. Why can't I see the good? Am I just not looking, or am I all that I say I am. It's so frustrating not knowing the truth about oneself. You know what, forget it, I don't care anymore, I just want to die. Then I wouldn't have to feel anymore. Meh...... T^T Help me, someone, anyone, I'm not showing anyone this, so I'm pleading for help knowing, hoping that no one sees this. I don't ask for help, I feel selfish when I do, I don't like feeling selfish so I try to keep from being selfish. I fail, but I try. Like I said, more harm than good. Can't anyone end it? No, no one can, no matter how much I wish someone would, but no one can or will. Guess this is the last thing I'm going to say for tonight so I'm going to make it count. I am sick of living without feeling alive, I am tired of feeling alone when I'm surrounded by people. I want out. Goodbye.

Artistically yours,

H