Dear Diary

Entry 13

Dear Diary,

Hello again. Ok, so yesterday T gave me a note. I didn't read it until about 9:40 last night. I cried and then it turns out that she didn't do anything. So I was really happy and hugged her and almost cried more. G wasn't at school today because he got to go to the tournament, I didn't so I was kinda lonely, but mainly just relieved that T's alright. Ok, so in seventh hour, someone brought up ships and how a lot of people ship T and I. C said that I would top. I'm kinda happy because I'm shipped with a few people and I honestly didn't think that I would top with any of them. For those who ship C and I, it could go either way depending on our moods. But for G and I, he would top. Yeah, I said it!!!! Blushed for like the rest of the hour after that was brought up. He's so cute. Then K and I were talking while we walked out of the building and I mentioned how he's the gayest straight man alive, then K said that she was surprised that G hasn't dumped me yet, just because of that. Same for me dumping him. All because he's the gayest straight man. I'm surprised he hasn't dumped me for other reasons. Mainly I'm just shocked that he isn't sick of me, my bad stuff, and my depression. I would never dump him, unless he asked me to so he wouldn't be the bad guy. Then I would do it to make him happy. I would cry for a while and then I would just hide my emotions the rest of my life, or go to an asylum before I loose it, one of those. Don't know which yet, tempted to commit myself now just to see if they could help me. I know they can't but I'm almost willing to try anything. If it means making my friends and family happy I will do anything. Even suicide, though I want to do that anyway, but I would like a less painful death, and I would like it to be relatively fast so I can't be saved. When I do it, or if I do it, I want it to be final. No mistakes, no second chances, if I ever go that far, it will be final. So that way I can't survive and I won't have to live in misery and shame knowing that I can't even die right. Wow, this took a turn for the depressing really fast. Well that should be all for today unless I feel like writing later but I don't know if I will or not, so goodbye for now.

Artistically yours,

H