Dear Diary

Entry 15

Dear Diary,

Hello again. I'M FREAKING OUT HERE!!!!!! I DIDN'T GET MY BANNER DONE AND THAT'S DUE TODAY!!!!! I have to figure out which hours I can go to the art room and work on it. I don't which hours in which that would be possible!!! OMG HELP!!!! Meh...... I'm officially screwed. No idea what I'm gonna do and if I take it home I have no idea who to turn it into when I finish!! I'm probably gonna have a panic attack over this later. It won't be pretty at all. Meh.... It's Thursday! I get to hang out with people at the carnival tomorrow! YA! I got in trouble earlier because Z and G saw my wrist. G just kind of hugged me while Z said that I was in trouble. I know she didn't really mean it because she does it too, but I know I let them down. I'm nothing but a disappointment to everyone. I don't want to be and I try not to be, yet I am. It really sucks. How do I get better? Can I? Why won't someone kill me already! I don't want to live anymore if all I am is a failure and complete and utter let down to others. It really hurts when I think that I'm a failure. I don't care about the pain inflicted on me, I deserve all of it, but I don't like seeing those I care about get hurt, the looks of disappointment and pity from people really gets to me. It's one of the reasons my depressions so bad. I think, I don't know anymore. Oh yeah, have I mentioned that my depression has been getting worse? I don't why but it has, the only time I can shove my depression aside is when I'm with G, T, K, and C. It's especially bad when I'm around my family, that's why I've been cutting more, if I don't focus on some other pain than my depression I will break down in front of someone and I can't let that happen. I can't and won't let people see me at my worst. They may see me when I'm pretty bad, but never at my worst and it has to stay that way. I don't want anyone to see me like that. I usually only cry when I'm alone, that's the only time I can stop bottling up my emotions. I wish it would just end. It probably won't but I wish it would. Oh yeah, I just found out today that the advanced ninth grade art class has been cut. I'M GONNA GET PUT IN WITH THE FUCKING LOSERS WHO CAN'T EVEN PAINT OR DRAW!!!!!!!!!! IT'S FUCKING BULL SHIT!!!!!! WHY SHOULD THE ONES WHO HAVE BEEN IN ART SINCE LIKE THRID GRADE HAVE TO FREAKING SUFFER LIKE THAT?!?!?!?!?!? AS SOON AS I FIGURE OUT WHO CUT MY ART CLASS THEIR GONNA GET A TASTE OF MY FURY!!!!!!! In others words, their gonna have some medical issues by the time I'm done with them. BECAUSE NO ONE FUCKS WITH AN ARTIST AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!! I'LL FUCKING BREAK THEM!!!!!!! I'm like really pissed about this, I've been looking forward to the advanced class for a while now, but no, I have to be put in with the fucking bastards who don't even care about art and are just doing it for more credits. OH MY FUCKING GOSH I STILL HAVEN'T FINISHED THE FUCKING BANNER!!!!!!!!! LIKE WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO!!!!!!!!! I have to finish like today or I'm screwed!!! HALP!! Meh...... HAHA!!!!!!!!! I finished the banner and turned it in! Ya! On the way there I saw G and his dad on their way to a basket ball game. Lol. I had to stuff candy into eggs for easter, it sucked. Well that's all for today. Bye.

Artistically yours,

H