Somewhere

Falling Asleep

My body labors towards sleep

Wheezing in and out each breath

My eyes are full and watery

As I struggle to close them

Itching for something

In the night

To inspire me

To awaken me

Something to make me full of spark

The silent clock ticks away at our moaning

The silent lamplight shines above the scene brazenly

As closeness lures two lonely bodies together into one flesh

These whispers of Christ are far away

I don't feel guilty for what I feel

For whatever reason

The closeness is empowering

With safety hidden within this single moment

I am so heavy

So downtrodden by my sadness

Each tear makes me smile

Each bruise makes me laugh

Who would have guessed that when death was bringing me down, I would feel my best?

I breathe in the anesthesia

My arms are tied down by the IV 

Both lying by my sides, under the warm blanket

This vulnerability to those around me makes me feel so beautiful when I am so weak

My cheeks are flushed and I muster a faint little smile

As the anesthesia pulls me under

It sits as I sit

Silent as I am

I fight each and every attempt

But at some point, each night

The energy dies out

And I dissolve into the sheets

A white watery world I enter