Miss
Tulala lang akong nakayuko at tinititigan lang ang kulay puting sapin ng aking malambot at malaking kama.
This huge and soft bed doesn't have the power to bring comfort on my aching heart though.
I always knew that she doesn't feel the same. I always knew that she couldn't give the kind of love that I want to receive from her. That's why I never push it before.
And I wished I just didn't push it now. I wished I just didn't get the courage and hope to try even if it seems impossible. I wished I didn't get hope from that dare of Vail. I wished I didn't accept it.
I knew better so I wish I just didn't try.
I heard Selene stood up from my bed. Wala akong lakas para tingnan siya pero pinilit ko ang sarili ko dahil baka hindi ko na magawa pang tingnan siya sa susunod.
Her eyes has nothing but coldness and indifference. Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na walang pagkakagulat na namutahi sa mukha niya sa lahat ng sinabi ko. I've indirectly said that I want to kiss her, why isn't she shock?! Bakit? Alam ba niya? Kailan pa?
I licked my lower lip and whispered. "You knew?" My voice is really low that I'm not surprised if she didn't hear what I said.
"Knew what?" Rinig ko namang tanong niya. Pati ang tono niya'y malamig at nakakapanghina.
Pagak akong tumawa at saka nilipat ang tingin ko sa chandelier na nakasabit sa ceiling ng kwarto ko.
"That I like you." I uttered.
"You don't like me, Blair." Mabilis naman niyang sagot at nakita mo mula sa gilid ng aking mga mata ang paglingon niya sa direksyon ko.
Tumango ako ng marahan saka hilaw na ngumisi. "You're right." At muli ko siyang tiningnan, this time ay nakatagal ako.
I saw a flash of pain in her face and eyes but it seems so shallow that I maybe would not even recognize it if her jaw didn't clench.
"You're right, I don't like you, Selene. Because I love you." Matapang kong saad kahit na gusto ko na lang sumigaw at umiyak dahil ang kinatatakutan kong mangyari ay nangyayari na.
Agad na umawang ang labi niya at tila nagulat sa mga salitang namutawi sa bibig ko. Hindi ko alam kung nagulat siya na mahal ko siya o nagulat siya dahil sinabi ko sa kanya nang harapan 'to. O baka ay pareho.
Hindi siya nagsalita at nakatingin pa rin sa akin. Pagkatapos ay bahagyang lumambot ang mga mata niya habang pinagmamasdan ako.
"I love you. I'm in love with you, Selene Servilla. I've been in love with you for such a long time now." Saad ko ulit at pumikit ng mariin. Ilang segundo akong nakapikit at tiningnan siya gamit ang malungkot na mga mata.
I watched her as her brows slightly furrowed like she's debating with herself. Like she wants to say something but something is stopping her.
She gazed at me again and I swear I almost cursed when I saw her eyes softening more. Ang matigas na ekspresyon ay tila unti-unting nababasag at napapalitan ng sakit at lungkot.
Naalerto ako nang tumalikod siya at tila may mabilis na pinunasan sa kanyang mga pisngi bago muling humarap sa akin. Bumalik ang kanyang matapang na ekspresyon na parang kahit anong gawin ko ay hindi na ito mababasag pa.
"You're not in love with me." She said with conviction.
Pagod akong nagtaas ng kilay bago muling pinilit na ngumisi. "I just wished I really am not."
I don't know if that line of mine was the truth or a lie. Because even though loving her was painful and doesn't have a place to go, I don't think I would want to love anybody else other than her.
