Move On
Mahigpit ang kapit ko sa seatbelt habang nakatingin na lang sa kalsada. Hindi na nagsasalita si Selene o tinatanong kung anong problema ko dahil alam kong alam niya na naman.
I can see her facial expression in my peripheral vision, though. Her face is grim, and her lips are in a tight thin line.
Bahagya ring nakakunot ang kanyang noo habang nakatuon ang mga mata sa kalsada. Parang gusto niyang lumingon sa akin pero nagmamadali na siyang makapunta sa paroroonan namin kaya hindi niya magawa.
I bit my lower lip hard, mabibigat pa rin ang paghinga ko dahil sa kaba. Napapikit ako ng mariin dahil una ay malakas pa rin ang tibok ng puso ko at sinusubukan kong pakalmahin ito at pangalawa, nagsisisi ako sa sinabi ko.
I can't believe that I said those words! Hindi ako makapaniwala na inungkat ko pa ang nangyari noon! Pero paanong hindi ito mauungkat kung 'yon nga talaga ang pino-problema ko at dahilan kung bakit ako halos mangatog ngayon?
My jaw clenched as I rested my hands on my lap. But just after a few seconds, my hands went into a solid fist.
Memories prickled my mind again. Memories that I wanted to forget but just couldn't. Memories that I hoped would not happen, but they did. Memories that will always haunt me, even if I force myself to forget them.
Selene... did get into a fatal accident six years ago. The same day that I got into an accident too. No, not just the same day, but also the same hour. Also in the same minute, just a few seconds apart...
Why am I always wrong for you, Selene?
The thought cracked me mindlessly. I'm always wrong for her. I always am. Why am I always wrong? Why can't I be right for her?
I stared at the nearing truck again, it's coming fast. I tried to maneuver my car, but I really don't think it'll be enough for us not to hit each other.
I just want to be right for Selene. I just want to be the best for her. I just want to be deserving, but... why am I always wrong?
Bakit tuwing ginugusto kong maging enough para sa kanya ay laging may kumukontra? Bakit laging may ayaw at hindi sang-ayon? Bakit kahit parang ang panahon ay hindi tama at ayaw sumang-ayon? At bakit parang kahit ako mismo ang nagpupursigi... bakit sa huli ay ako pa ang nakakagawa ng kasalanan at problema na ayaw ko namang mangyari?
Kailan ba magiging sang-ayon ang tadhana?
A flash of smiling Selene went into my occupied mind. They say that the most important person will flash into your mind once you are in a near-death experience.
Truth be told, she's the most important for me. But is this really my end? Will I be okay with that? Will everything be okay if I die? Will Selene... be okay with that?
No... she would not be okay. She loves me, so she will not be okay. She will get hurt. She will cry again just like how I made her cry earlier.
She will be in pain. She will feel sorrow, and she will probably even blame herself. She wants to take care of me and has always been loving.
So no... she will not be okay with me dying. Mom and Dad wouldn't be okay with it either, and so would my uncles and aunties, my cousins, my friends, and of course, my twin brother, Blaiz.
I gritted my teeth as I pressed the accelerator, making my car speed up more. Sa bilis nito ay baka hindi ko na magagawang makaliko pa para mapunta sa tamang way. I would surely crash in the wall but that's better than being hit by a damn truck!
I heard multiple horns coming from behind me, but I didn't mind it, I need to save myself now. Mabilis na nagpalit-palit ang tingin ko sa truck at sa daan.
